Free Two Guardians for Little May by Breanna Hayse Page A

like that," May lamented, resting her chin on her folded arms.
"Layton? Do you think it's possible to feel both guilty and clean at the
same time?"
    "Let me tell
you a story," Layton said, lying down next to her. "When I was around
eleven or so, Pop brought home this brand new Mossberg 12 gauge shotgun to blow
skeet with. He was very much against hunting, but loved to shatter those clay
pigeons whenever he had a chance. Anyway, one afternoon, I decided I was going
to try it out for myself. I loaded a handful of shells into my pocket, grabbed
the gun and snuck out back where I wouldn't be seen."
    He sighed, taking
May's hand in his and rubbing her knuckles with his thumb. "I thought it
would be fun to fire at some trees, you know, maybe knock off some branches. I
hit a bird's nest filled with newborn chicks. I was sick over what I had done. I
grabbed up the nest with the little broken birds and ran straight home. Because
I left his new gun in the woods, I couldn't even fib my way out of what had
happened. Pop was so disappointed in me. Not just because I disobeyed him, but
because I had harmed something innocent in the process. I got the licking of my
life, but to this day, I still feel bad for those three little birds."
    "You were
just a kid, though. It was an accident."
    "Yes, but I
am still responsible for doing something that I can never undo. There are two
kinds of guilt, sweetheart. One, like mine, which has no reconciliation and no
way to make amends. I just have to learn to let it go and never repeat the same
mistake. And another, like yours, that requires only that you forgive yourself,
because you've already paid the price."
    "I think I
really hurt his feelings."
    "Why do you
think that?"
    "He had to
be mad to spank me so long and hard," May sniffed. "And I cussed at
him and lied."
    "Let me
explain something to you," Layton kissed the back of her hand. "That
spanking was not about him being angry, or really about your actions. It was
about teaching you to let go of all this crap that you believe about yourself
and how you react when you feel cornered. Neither of us want you to self-destruct
and we plan on being an obstacle on that path you've taken."
    "I'm not
self-destructive," May argued.
    "No? I want
the truth. Look at me." Layton stared into her eyes. "Did you leave
those meds at the other house on purpose?"
    "No."
May averted her gaze.
    "Honey, I
can detect when people are lying. It is what I do for a living, remember? The
truth. Look at me, please. Did you deliberately leave that medication back
home?"
    A single tear
dripped down May's cheek as she raised her eyes to meet his. She gave him a
tiny nod. He squeezed her hand. "That wasn't hard, was it? Did you do it
to test Caine's reaction?"
    A pause, and then
another tiny nod followed.
    "You wanted
to see if he was really telling you the truth about his promise to take care of
you. You wanted to see," he gently pinched the tip of her chin between his
index finger and his thumb, "if he would enforce himself and follow
through on his threat. You needed him to do that so you could really trust him.
Am I right?"
    "Yes,"
she whispered.
    "Are you
satisfied now? Do you believe that he will be true to his word?"
    "Yes."
    "And what
about me? Am I going to have to take the same stand with you eventually to
prove I am who I say I am?"
    "I don't
know," May blushed. "It is not something that either my brain or my
ass wants to think about right now."
    "I'll make a
deal with you. When the time comes that you are questioning my commitment to
our family—and yes, that includes you now—come and tell me right
away. You don't have to act out and do something to feel guilt. Say the word
and I will put you over my knee, and you will see exactly how much I
care."
    "I can't do
that!" May looked horrified.
    "Consider
it. I rarely use my hand when I administer discipline, Maybelle. My implement
of choice is the belt. Unless you really want to discover what that feels like
on a bare