able to get John’s orders changed. He had been scheduled to go to another aircraft carrier, but instead was sent in May 1959 to a sub tender, the U.S.S. Howard W. Gilmore , based in Charleston, South Carolina. John was thrilled by the move. Arthur hadn’t gotten him on a sub, but this was close enough.
Barbara, meanwhile, gave birth to Cynthia, the couple’s second child, that same month. Two months later, Barbara was pregnant again. The couple’s third daughter, Laura, was born April 24, 1960. Barbara and John had been married less than three years, but they already had three daughters and their roles as husband and wife had been clearly defined.
“My job is to earn an income for my family,” John told Barbara the first time that she asked him to help change a diaper. “I work hard sixty hours a week on the ship and I’m not going to come home and change diapers or do dishes. You don’t work and you are the wife, so that’s your job.”
It made sense to Barbara. “I did very little to cross John or upset him early in our marriage,” she told me later. “I wanted things to be perfect when he was at home. If there was something that I really wanted to do and he didn’t want to do it, that was okay. If I really wanted to do it, I put it off until he was at sea.”
By May 1960, John had earned a total of five promotions, but he and Barbara were still living on about the same amount of money that they had when first married, even though their family now numbered five. “Every time John got a promotion and more pay, we put the raise into our savings account on the theory that if we don’t have it, we won’t miss it,” Barbara explained.
They also adhered to a strict credit policy: anything bought on credit had to be paid off within two years, and nothing new could be purchased on credit until all previous charges were paid. Saving money was an obsession with them, a testament that showed how much they cared for each other. Barbara bought powdered milk for her daughters even when she could afford fresh milk. John wore his shoes until they could no longer be resoled. Both refused to tip waitresses.
“When I first met Barbara,” John said, “I told her my plans for life. I had no intention of doing my twenty years and retiring and having nothing to show for it. I was going to save my money and invest it and have something going for me when I got out – a business run by someone else. Barbara knew that. She had to be prepared for it because I wasn’t going to be like my dad with no money, no future, nothing going for him.”
In June 1960, John passed an eye exam and was judged fit for submarine duty. It was the third time he had taken the test, and the only reason he passed was that the Navy had lowered its vision requirements. Five months later, John moved Barbara and his daughters back in with Peggy and Johnny in Scranton and left for sixteen weeks of training at the Navy submarine school in New London, Connecticut.
Barbara found life in Scranton more depressing than ever. She fought with Peggy constantly. A short time after Barbara arrived, Johnny moved out of the house and back in with his mother in Scranton. Barbara dashed to phone John and tell him that his mother had driven Johnny away. John rushed home and upbraided Peggy. “If you were half the wife that Barbara is, he wouldn’t have left you,” John said, Peggy seethed. It wasn’t really her boy talking, she said later. “It was that witch, Barbara.”
After completing submarine training, John was assigned to the U.S.S. Razorback , a diesel submarine stationed in San Diego, and he moved his wife and children there. The Razorback left on an extended cruise days after John arrived. On June 28, 1961, Peggy finally received her first letter from him. He had been at sea for four months and his letter contained an apology for his angry outburst at her over Johnny and was filled with sweet references to Barbara, whom he called Bobbie:
“Much