Free How Britain Kept Calm and Carried On by Anton Rippon Page A

asked about the recruit’s family.
    ‘My father was a baron,’ said the recruit.
    The sergeant replied: ‘That’s what your mother should have been!’
    Mr S. E. Smith, Essex

    At Stob’s Camp, near Hawick in Scotland, in 1942, we often went out on night manoeuvres. Imagine the clatter as we roared through Hawick. A local copper complained that
they made him wear rubber soles, yet allowed us to awaken the dead. The units ran a ‘passion wagon’ [transport to a local dance] to town from the camp. One night an errant trooper was
late for the returning truck. He chased after it down the street. All his mates were leaning over the tailboard laughing at him. With their weight, the tailboard broke and they all fell out. The
athletic trooper leapt over them and into the truck. He rode, they walked, so he had the last laugh.
    Roy Barker, Thornton-Cleveleys

    At Wootton Bassett, near Swindon, in October 1940, a party of about thirty Pioneers were on detachment. Our duties were to work with the Royal Engineers in the erection of a
Nissen hut camp. One dark morning when we paraded at about 8 a.m. in our denims and general working gear, the NCO proceeded to go through the ranks, shining a torch in our faces, and also at our
feet. I think at least half the detachment was found not to have shaved, or to have had dirty boots.
    All the unfortunates were ordered to parade at 6.30 p.m. at the company office in their best suits and smartened up. Everything went quite well, until one tall young man was discovered without
his gaiters.
    ‘Where’s your gaiters, man?’ asked the NCO. ‘You’ll be coming on parade in a bloody high hat next!’
    Leslie Randall, Lambeth
    On an anti-aircraft gun site somewhere in England, a sentry is patrolling. An extra duty is for him to answer the telephone when it rings a ‘red alert’, which means
that enemy planes are approaching. As he patrols, he hears footsteps coming up the lonely, dark country lane. He rises to the big occasion with a sharp ‘Halt, who goes there? Friend or
foe?’
    It is an orderly sergeant and an orderly officer making a tour of inspection. The orderly sergeant answers: ‘Friend.’
    At this precise moment, the telephone rings and the sentry says to the orderly sergeant: ‘Hold this a moment, will you?’ and hands him his rifle.
    The sergeant cannot believe his ears, but takes the rifle. The sentry picks up the phone and takes the message, then returns to the waiting sergeant and as-yet unidentified officer, takes the
rifle back and says: ‘Thanks, sergeant, pass friend, all is well!’
    And the officer is permitted to accompany the sergeant without being challenged, or shot as a foe!
    C. Clark, Maidstone

    We’d been out on the assault course and were dead beat. We returned to our Nissen hut and stoked up the fire in the stove that stood in the centre of the hut. We hung our
denims all around to dry, then turned in. The stove heated up and the chimney glowed red. A pair of denims caught alight. A Corporal Diamond called out the fire picket. They told him to get
stuffed. Everyone just lay on their beds. So he ran out to get the fire bucket. The roof was blazing at this point but no one else moved. He came back with the bucket, looked down at his
mud-stained feet and, before throwing it on the fire, sat on the end of a bed and washed his feet!
    Roy Barker, Thornton-Cleveleys
    A cockney lance corporal was becoming annoyed with a certain private. Wagging a finger at him, he said: ‘I’ll put you on a charge for insubordination. I
     don’t know how to spell it, but I’ll soon find out.’
    Leslie Randall, Lambeth
    I was in the ack-ack from 1940 to 1946 and moved around quite a bit from Wales, Scotland, the London area and quite a few others. I recall being stationed at Wick. Our camp was
quite near to the Ross Head Lighthouse and to get there we had to pass through Wick airfield, which was run by the RAF, and along a lonely country road. One very dark