Free Richfield & Rivers Mystery Series 3 - Venus Besieged by Andrews, Austin Page B

a
gray skirt and white blouse, a black sweater too tight to close in front, and
wearing clunky black shoes stride up to the cabin. When Callie and I popped out
onto the porch, she seemed happy to see us.
    "No
idea the cabin was full up—sorry, cutting across to the road. Fern
Flanagan." She extended one short, flabby arm and gave me a pump-handle
handshake as I introduced Callie and myself. "I maintenance the roadside facilities
across the way." She nodded toward the two-lane.
    "So
you clean up the camp areas?" Callie asked in friendly conversational
fashion.
    "That's
me. You can't even think up stuff I've seen. People are dirtier than dirt. Them
bathrooms? Looks like cows have been let loose in 'em—pee up every wall!"
    Maybe
I needed relief but a strange, Shrek-like woman in my front yard talking about
peeing up a wall gave me the giggles, which seemed to spur Fern on.
    "Honey,
I've done it so many years I've put these women into categories. There's
sitters, hikers, half squatters, and sprayers. Hikers are one leg up, half
squatters hang in the air so they don't touch the seat, and sprayers just let
'er rip from any position. What are you two doin' up here—havin' family for Thanksgiving?"
    "A
romantic weekend.. .we're here on a vacation," Callie said, toying
unnecessarily with Fern's tolerance level.
    What
in hell has gotten into Callie? She's outing us to people who haven't even
asked, and Fern of the forest is now staring at me.
    "Now
that's really nice. I had a girlfriend once in school." For a moment
Fern's eyes misted up as she stared off into the woods, then promptly snapped
back as if to give herself a slap. "But then I ended up marryin' Frankie.
He's a little bitty ole fella 'bout the size of you."
    She
poked Callie in the arm and my mind went to a terrible place—little ole
Frankie's pistil in Fern's stamen and how they could ever
physically...pollinate. I shook my head to knock that thought out.
    "I
guess I like their little ole hangy-down parts. Funny how we like one thing or
another. Well, you girls have a great weekend." She headed back toward the
road and then spun 180 degrees to face us. "Oh, forgot about the bear
report. They're on the roam because of the fires up in the hills, so don't
leave no food outside your cabin—attracts bears. No food in your car—bear'll
rip open yer trunk. And for God's sake don't leave the cabin if you're havin'
yer time of the month. Bears can smell blood and it gets 'em excited." She
spun again and this time lumbered off into the woods as I suppressed laughter.
    Callie
suddenly yanked me up against her chest as if we were performing a Latin dance
routine and kissed me passionately. Heat surged through my entire body as she
dragged me up the porch steps and into the bedroom and pushed me down onto the
bed, flinging herself on top of me as if I were her personal trampoline and
knocking all the breath out of me.
    "You
are so cute and sexy when you get the giggles."
    "Easy."
I giggled as she began tearing my clothes off and kissing me so fervently I
felt like this might do it for me and any further arousal might be wasted
energy on her part. The heat from inside my body reached inferno levels and ran
a race to connect with the heat outside my body, and I broke into an intense
sweat and thought if I didn't get packed in ice in the next fifteen seconds, I
might blow out through the top of my own head.
    "Ahhhh!"
I screamed, ripping myself from her grasp, leaping off the bed, and waving my
arms around while I tried to pull off my remaining clothes.
    Callie's
high-pitched laughter continued as she watched me pant and huff and sweat.
"You're having a major hot flash."
    "No,
it's just really hot in here and then you're so hot."
    "You
didn't tell me you were going through the change."
    "I'm
not. I'm in my early forties, for God's sake!" I looked at her oddly,
wondering where that thought came from.
    "I
know how old you are, darling." Her voice cuddled me as I crawled back
into bed