Free The Devoted by Eric Shapiro Page B

handjobs, and I was like eleven (twelve, stopped when I was fourteen).
    “You do sound different. What’s happening, Matthew?”
    And now I want to cry again. Thing is, though, my want is all I have. My ducts are shot from before. All I can do is press my heels against my forehead, as though I’m trying to squeeze out a droplet.
    “Will you just marry me, okay?” My voice sounds like I’m crying. Eyes still don’t look it, though, I’m sure.
    “You mean, when? Before tonight?”
    Duh. Does she think I’m making high-precision afterlife bets?
    “We can ask him to do it. Come on. Right now.”
    ‘Cause if I’m moving, I’m good. Walking down the hall, then talking to Him, then doing the ceremony, then lunch, or maybe both at the same time. Hours, hours, hours, minutes, minutes--
    She’s gone part animal again. She likes it: a look in her eye. Overwhelmed about wedding the one she almost loves.
    “How do you think he’ll react?” she asks.

Last Day – 12:16PM
    He, too, is naked. That’s how Downtime goes. We tend to pair or group up at that point. For Him it was Beth and Cathleen at the same time. Both are coiled up on His bed. I look at the nightstand: my old-new friend.
    Beth seems far away, somehow. Like she’s smoking a cigarette and looking out the window, even though she has no cigarette.

Edgar Pike’s Journal
    August, 2009
    Orgiastic behavior can make you feel crazy. Enormous adrenaline expended every day. You work yourself up then crash yourself low. Lots of vaginas. All of them disturbing, but I can’t get enough. I’m like the man who’s eating three sandwiches. On the second one, he gets depressed because soon the third will be gone and he’ll be done. The trick is to enjoy the second one!

Last Day – 12:17PM
    The Leader is on His feet, and He’s LOUD:
    “If you opened my body, there would be flowers inside of me!”
    This: His reaction to being asked to officiate.
    Jolie and I make eyes and laugh.
    “I’m serious!” He roars. “They are going to find flowers pouring out of me!”
    “Oh my God,” says Jolie, earnestness wired through her tight. “You’re such a poet.”
    And briefly – half-a-second – I’d like to yell at her.
    He turns away from us to pace and think for a moment, and I hope that it’s not odd of me to admire His ass’s bread-loaf lift.
    “What will I say?” He asks, turning back toward us. “I’m afraid I’ll mess it up.”
    Far be it from us to lend Him any advice.
    “My talks,” He explains, “usually require days of preparation,” which is funny since I’ve seen Him throw more than a dozen together on the spot.
    I float Him a smile and, knowing it unwise to counsel Him, decide to band-aid the matter over with: “Well, given the present circumstances, perhaps you’ll make an exception.”
    Everybody in the room, Beth included, ignites with laughter.

From THE CULT LEADER’S MIND by Dr. Barry Blumenfeld (pg. 74):
    Common to the personalities of most cult leaders is the outward appearance of magnanimity. Stated differently, this is behavior through which the leader can consistently demonstrate his or her generosity. The generosity is typically two-pronged: material and immaterial. Via the material prong, food, housing, and perhaps even monetary allowances are provided, which give the cult members the comfort of childhood yet the absence of authentic freedom. Via the immaterial prong, synthetic generosity of the personality is exhibited. The leader may hold him or herself up to a high standard in terms of being “open” about his or her true nature, creating something of a confessional environment, in which all the members, the leader included, are encouraged to share intimate details about their pasts, their thoughts, their dreams, and even their deepest secrets. While the leader gathers this information to use against the members, he or she pretends to also share deep information, while in fact submitting to nothing of the sort.
    As an