Free Dollenganger 06 My Sweet Audrina by V. C. Andrews Page B

"Don't talk to me about it anymore, Ellie. It makes me feel too sorry for myself. Mr. Johanson would be so disappointed in me. I hope he's dead and never found out I amounted to nothing."
"Did you love him, Lucietta?" my aunt asked in a kindly way.
I perked up. Vera looked up from her play with the gross, naked man whose heart she was squeezing in her hand.
Mr. Ingmar Johanson had been my mother's music teacher when she was a young girl. "When I was fifteen, and full of romantic notions, I thought I loved him." Momma sighed heavily and rubbed at a tear that trickled down her cheek. She turned her head so that I saw her beautiful profile, and she stared toward the windows where the winter sun could only dimly filter in to pattern our Oriental with faded patches of light.
"He was the first man to give me a real kiss. . . boys in school had, but his was the first real kiss."
Weren't all kisses alike?
"Did you like his kisses?"
"Yes, Ellie, I liked them well enough. They filled me with longing. Ingmar woke me up sexually and then left me unfulfilled. Many a night I lay awake then, and even now I wake up and wish I'd let him go ahead and finish what he'd started, instead of saying no and saving myself for Damian."
"No, Lucietta, you did the right thing. Damian would never have married you if he'd even suspected you weren't a virgin. He claims to be a modern man with liberal ideas, but he's a Victorian at heart. You know damn well he couldn't handle what happened to Audrina any better than she could. . ."
What did she mean? How could the First Audrina have handled anything when they found her dead in the woods? Suddenly Momma turned to see me half hidden behind the fern. She stared, as if she had to readjust some thoughts in her head before she spoke. "Audrina, why do you try to hide? Come-out and sit in a chair like a lady. Why are you so quiet? Contribute something once in a while. No one enjoys a person who doesn't know how to make small talk."
"What was it the First Audrina couldn't handle any better than Papa?" I asked, getting to my feet and falling unladylike into a chair.
"Audrina, be careful with that cup of teal"
"Momma, exactly what happened to my dead sister? What killed her--a snake?"
"That's not small talk," snapped Momma irritably. "Really, Audrina, we've told you all you need to know about your sister's accident in the woods. And remember, she would still be alive if she'd learned to obey the orders we gave her. I hope you will always keep that in mind when next you feel stubborn or rebellious and think being disobedient is a good way to get back at your parents, who try to do the best they can."
"Was the First Audrina hard to handle?" I asked with some hope of hearing she was less than perfect.
"Enough is enough," Momma said more gently. "Just remember, the woods are off limits."
"But Vera goes into the woods, . ."
Vera had risen and was standing behind the sofa, smiling at my mother in a knowing way that told me she knew the cause of my older sister's death. Oh, oh, now, suddenly, I wished she hadn't overheard Momma's warning, for that gave Vera another weapon to use against me.
From the way the party died after that, it seemed I was never going to be a social success. Aunt Ellsbeth put the photograph away. Vera hobbled up to her room, carrying one part of that naked man with her, and I sat on alone in the Roman Revival room, realizing I couldn't ask direct questions and expect an answer. I had to learn how to be sneaky, like everyone else, or I would never know anything, not even the time of day.
Valentine's Day came that very week, and Vera limped home from school with a paper sack full of valentines from all her boyfriends. She came into my bedroom with a huge red satin heart that opened to reveal a delicious array of chocolates. "From the boy who loves me most," she said to me arrogantly, snatching the box away without offering me even one piece. "He's going to take me away from here one day, and marry me, too.