friend.
I
never realized how much Dylan stabilized me every day. Even if we didn’t
speak, a sidelong glance from him could do the trick. Something about the way
he looks at me always reminds me who I am, always makes me feel like I’m okay
here for one more day.
And
finally, what I’m really worried about. Lab day tomorrow. When I arrived at
Antius I spent weeks in the labs. They took so many blood samples I was surprised
I didn’t run out. Remarkable DNA , they said. Over the years, I spent
many nights down there. Something new they wanted to test me for. Or test on
me . Unpredictable DNA , they said . She’s healthy, but mentally,
she’s volatile. Some of them wanted to “put me down,” so
they could continue to study my parts, but Cornelius forbade it. How can
you disregard such an intriguing specimen? Give her a chance to thrive , he
told them.
I
don’t know what they think they’ll find tomorrow. They ought to know
everything about me by now.
Take
a tissue sample , they
said. I reach under the covers and trace the scar they left on my thigh with
my fingertips. When we arrived at the colony, I was still in Cornelius’s
arms. He delivered me to the scientists, and that’s the last time I was held.
The last time I was comforted. But if I’m being honest, I hadn’t had much
comfort since my mother died three years earlier. I barely remember her; I was
only four. My father wanted to make me tough. The world had gone to crap
before I was born, and there was no such thing as the all-American family
anymore. There was no place for traditional parenting roles. He wasn’t
raising a child with dreams for her future. He was raising a survivor. That’s
all that mattered.
The
night Cornelius left me in the labs, I was poked and prodded, touched and
examined all night. I don’t know which was worse, the long needles or the
feeling of their hands on my skin. From that night on, nearly every human
touch has repulsed me. Cold, clinical. Dead. Fortunately, the laws of Antius
have ensured that everyone keep their disgusting hands off me. Everyone except
Nathan, that is.
I
try not to think about hugging Alyssa, and letting Dylan help me down from that
vent last night. I could have jumped down on my own. I didn’t need his help.
And I refuse to dwell on his hand touching mine briefly. I refuse, and refuse
again. And one last time refuse until it’s etched in my mind, and once again
I’m falling asleep to the memory of his hands on me.
In
the morning, I dress myself in new clothes. My blue cotton pants have been
traded in for standard military pants. They’re a brown, heavier fabric. After
breakfast, and many glances at my bruised face (which I haven’t even looked
at), the captain takes us topside for a morning run. My body is tired from
yesterday, and it aches from injury. But the cold air feels great inside my
lungs. It feels like freedom, and every step I take feels one step closer to
the outside.
We
don’t even have time to change or shower before we’re back underground headed
for the labs. We all fit into the same elevator, and I feel everyone’s eyes on
me. Everyone except Sean. If I could get him alone in a room with no cameras
and no way of being caught or punished, I think I would pay him back a few
times over. He was already an easy person to hate.
The
elevator stops on the eleventh floor. I have no idea what’s on all the other
floors, but I know all of medical, government, and the science divisions are in
this facility, too. I exit last into the familiar hallway of the lab floor.
I’m already shivering from the cold that I don’t even feel yet. But I know
it’s coming. Metal tables, long needles. Beeping machines.
A
group of white-coated lab techs greet us and each one takes a pledge with
them. My tech is a small woman with “335” on her name tag. She’s