Free Close Up by Erin McCarthy Page A

squeezed. “Being in love wasn’t stupid. But I was immature. I ran away instead of dealing with our problems.”
    “Yeah, about that. So, what was our last fight about again, exactly? Because all I seem to remember was you irrationally accusing me of cheating, me defending myself, then you taking off. End of marriage.”
    Well, that was the past pulled out of his pocket and dropped on the table between them. Geez. But while it made her uncomfortable, Kristine knew he had every right to ask. “Honestly, Sean, it’s hard for me to explain it at twenty-nine. I was so insecure. I couldn’t believe that you would really want me. Sure, maybe for the short term. But the long haul? No way.” She sipped at the water the waitress had deposited in front of her. “I was convinced you had to be cheating because, well, why wouldn’t you?”
    “I wasn’t cheating.”
    “I know that now. But at the time...” She shrugged. “You know how I was raised. My father ditched. My mother had a string of passions, some of them men, some of them causes. I never had stability or security. I wanted those so desperately that I knew I would be devastated if you took them away. So I pushed it away first before you could hurt me.”
    His expression was unreadable. Kristine didn’t know this Sean. He had acquired a poker face over the past decade.
    She didn’t know what else to say. It was the truth. It wasn’t pretty, and it was embarrassing to admit she had been so needy, but it was important to be honest with both herself and with him.
    Finally, he asked, “Could I have done anything differently? That’s weighed on me, that I should have been a better husband.”
    Kristine shook her head. “I suppose in retrospect if I had communicated better, then you could have been better informed. But the very thing I wanted from you was the thing I resented.”
    Her wording didn’t sound right to her own ears, and he immediately frowned. “You resented me?”
    “I wanted you to take care of me, provide me with stability, a safety net. But then I hated that you owned all of those things. You know what I mean? I felt worthless. It fed my insecurity, which made me lash out at you.”
    “I never thought of you as worthless. The total opposite.”
    “I know.” He was either going to understand or he wasn’t. It had never been about him or his actions. It had been about her. “I would like a glass of Pinot Noir. Where is the waitress?”
    Sean flagged her down and they both ordered a glass of red. Then without warning, he pulled an envelope out of his suit pocket. “Our divorce papers.” He tossed them on the table.
    Awkward. “Yes.” She cleared her throat. “I hope you’re agreeable to the terms. There wasn’t much to put in there since we don’t have shared assets.”
    “You’re entitled to spousal support, fifty percent of my assets and a portion of my retirement. Why didn’t you ask for any of that?”
    Kristine gaped at him. “Why would I do that? Jesus. We were married for six months and neither of us had a pot to pee in at the time.” That he even brought it up made her face feel hot. Was that what he thought of her? “The past ten years have been a technicality. Whatever you have is yours and yours alone.”
    He gave one short nod. “Okay. Thank you.”
    The waitress brought their wine, and Kristine took a sip, not sure where to go next. She set the glass back down. “So you’ll sign the papers?”
    He didn’t seem to be contesting anything. There was nothing to contest other than the divorce itself. “How much is this costing?” he asked.
    “Don’t worry about that.” But she couldn’t help but dart her gaze away from his. She couldn’t afford this divorce, but she knew in order to move forward on her own, truly, she had to cut herself off from the past, and the safety net Sean had provided.
    “Kristine.” His voice was gentle, but almost patronizing. “I should pay half, at the very least.”
    “Why? I’m