Free Mending Hearts by Brenda Kennedy Page B

asked him
and he never mentioned having a wife. When I called home, Alec gave
me Bobby’s number and said he wanted me to call him. This place is
pretty strict on phone calls. I decided coming in I would reserve
all my out-going calls for Raelynn. Everyone else I can write
to. 
    This is Bobby’s letter:
    Doll, I was hoping you would call, but I
understand why you haven’t. Thank you for being a part of the last
several months with me. I hate the life we led, but I am glad that
you were there with me. I am healing and becoming like the man I
once was. It feels good to be normal — well, almost normal
again.
    I wake up and appreciate the sunshine, a
place to sleep, hot water, and food on the table. I feel happy and
sad. Sad over the loss of my Angel, Jamie, sad over the way I left
my dear wife, Leah, and sad over the way things ended … well, could
have ended with you. I feel pain and sorrow, and I am glad that I
no longer numb it. It’s an emotion and we can’t run from it.
    I heard from Alec that you
are doing well, as I knew you would. You’re a fighter, Doll, and I
know you will come out of this better than when you went into
it . I spoke only
briefly about my daughter, Jamie, while we were in the hospital,
but I want you to understand what led me to my destructive
lifestyle. I lost my only child in an automobile accident that I
blamed myself for causing. I left my wife because I believed she
was in an irreversible coma, and I was also afraid that if she woke
up, she would blame me for Jamie’s death. I decided to leave and
run, run from the emotions and run from the life that would remind
me of what I can never have.
    I met you shortly after my
decision to leave, and I knew you were different. We bonded and I
am happy we did. Drugs have a way of distorting the truth, changing
the perspective in which we see things. I have explained our
relationship to Leah; although she is hurt, she says she
understands.  
    Since I have returned home,
I have learned that a drunk driver hit our car and was charged with
vehicular homicide in Jamie’s death. I realize it doesn’t matter
who is responsible for the accident; the important and most hurtful
thing is that my girl is gone, gone from my life forever. But I am
relieved that I did not cause her death.  
    The night leading up to our
hospital stay is my fault. I was so consumed with guilt, with pain,
and sorrow. The voices that haunted me were loud and clear. It was
like I was reliving the accident over and over again. I drank and
took pills to numb the pain and nothing worked. The voices and the
sound of the zipper on the body bag was so loud, it was almost like
there was a microphone being used to magnify the sound. I crushed a
combination of pills in an attempt to quiet the voices. My plan, my
deadly plan, was for me to take everything in the bowl to quiet the
voices permanently. I guess I passed out before I was able to use
everything. The deadly combination of the pills was meant for me,
not for you, Doll. If the outcome were any
different…  
    I’m sorry, I can’t say it and I can’t even
think about it. I am truly sorry, but I have to believe this was
God’s plan for us. For me to be reunited with my beloved Leah, and
for you to be with your amazing daughter.
    I hope when you get home and
get where you need to be, you’ll see me, or at least call me. Leah
wants to meet the amazing woman I shared the last several months of
my life with, and I also would love to
finally meet your incredible daughter.
    I would do anything in my power to see my
daughter again, but unfortunately, I don’t have that chance. But,
Doll, you do. My wish is for you to love her, hug her, and care for
her as if today was your last day to be with her.
    Doll, we went to hell and
back and I really hope we can remain friends. I will always be here
for you. Here is my phone number and my address in case you lost it
or threw it away. Thank you, Doll, for being with me,
Bobby.  
    I cry and