Free In Memory by CJ Lyons Page B

friends tonight. They still like to celebrate for him, even if he’s not around anymore. I think that’s sweet. Maybe next year I can-
    Never mind. I’ll be dead. The thought of that makes me more sad now than I ever have been about it. I’m picturing Terra, all alone, sitting in the pub with her friends, knowing that I’m not going to be at home waiting for her with a bracing cup of tea. That breaks my heart to think about.
    D on’t want to die and leave her all alone. C an’t do that to her. There must be some way… I have to live for her. If I die, there won’t be anyone left for her.
    She’s going to cry, she might lock herself in her room for days and days like she did when Dad died. R emember knocking on her door for a long time, then finally sitting down outside it, because that’s as close as I could get to being next to her. When she finally opened the door, I had fallen asleep beside her door, and she carried me to my own bed. When we were there she just held me for a few minutes and cried.
    Who’s going to wait outside her door when I’m dead?
     
    146 Days, 4 October, Saturday
    G uess I just have a mild head cold. H eadache and sore throat. Also feel like someone dropped ten thousand rocks on me when I was sleeping. Argh . My back is all sore so now all I can do is lay here on the couch and watch the fire.
    Terra came home late last night, and deman ded I go up to bed to sleep. G uess I fell asleep on the couch. It almost seemed lik e that night all over again. W anted to tell her again, that I’m going to die in 146 days. She would believe me if I told her , I know she would. But she doesn’t want to believe that chart. She really is of the mindset that if you ignore something, it’ll go away.
    I figure she’s going to read this journal one day, so I guess I can write it out here.
    Terra, I’m so sorry. I want ed to tell you so much, but I want to live the last days of my life happily with you. So I can’t let you know that we have a n exact timeline, which eventually comes to an end. I love you so much. I’m so sorry.
    T hink I’ll leave a note for her on the 27 th of February, a letter for her to keep. I can’t think of what I’ll write down. Let’s assume an inspiration will come to me that day and I’ll find the perfect words to say to her before I have to go. There’ll be lots of snow that day, there always is. Hopefully, that will help her. She loves the snow.
    H ope the fact that I’m going to die on a snowy day doesn’t make her hate it. Please let it comfort her…
     
    145 Days, 5 October, Sunday
    Okay, so I’ve decided to deal with this whole i ssue as positively as I can. T hink I will construct some sort of bucket list. Pretty sure that’s the term anyway. Right. I’ll have to think of a list of things I want to accomplish before kicking said proverbial water container.
    1.                 Make Noah smile for real.
    2.                 Begin a collection of something.
    3.                 Make snow angels on New Years Eve.
    4.                 Sew a marvellous dress for Terra for Christmas.
    5.                 Dance in the rain.
    6.                 Paint a picture. ( prolly abstract, I’m rubbish at art)
    7.                 Learn to knit.
    8.                 Buy a lava lamp.
    9.                 Write something really interesting and profound, that people will remember.
    10.              Fall in love, even for a few seconds.
    That’s a good start. M ight add some on later, or as I think of them. Anyway, I have a headache now, so I’m going to sleep and hope that it’s gone in time for school tomorrow.
     
    144 Days, 6 October, Monday
    S kipped class again today in an effort to dispel this horrible headache. It sort of sucks, because I was co unting on seeing Noah today. F igured if I needed help catching up from the days I