Free How To Avoid Death On A Daily Basis: Book Two by V. Moody Page A

families. Their homes were burnt to the ground, and letters were sent to all living relatives informing them if they set foot within Fengarad’s walls, they would be killed on sight.”
     
    “That seems very harsh,” said Maurice.
     
    Niven beamed with delight. “Thank you very much.”
     
    “So I can leave anything with you and it will be here when I come back for it?” I asked, just to make sure.
     
    “Absolutely,” said Niven.
     
    “Great.” I put my stick with the nails in one end on the table. “I’d like to deposit that.” It was awkward carrying it around, even in my bag. It always managed to poke me in the back as I walked, so it would be good to leave it somewhere safe. Who knew when I’d need it again?
     
    “Oh,” said Niven. “Of course. Is there anything else?”
     
    “Yes.” I pushed the velvet box with the Key to the City in it across the table.
     
    He opened the box and his jaw nearly hit the floor. He quickly recovered and closed the box. “That won’t be a problem, Sir.”
     
    We ended up all opening individual accounts. We split up the money between us and deposited two hundred bits each, keeping the rest on us for expenses. Niven had become extremely helpful after he saw the Key, and was happy to answer our questions about the best place to spend the night and where to buy gear from. He even gave us a map of the city and marked places of interest.
     
    The inn he recommended was in a quiet area on the east side of the city. I had emphasised that it should be private and not too busy. My main goal was to stay out of sight while we figured out our next move, or as Claire put it, ‘hiding’.
     
    We got three rooms. One for the girls, one for Maurice and Dudley, and one small one for me. We were just in time for dinner in the small courtyard and stuffed our faces with bread and soup until we could barely move, and then all struggled up the steep stairs to our beds. Real beds with pillows.
     
    I fell asleep the moment I lay down and the next thing I knew it was morning. I was still fully dressed, my face was sticky with drool, and I couldn’t move. For the first time since we’d arrived, my body had finally had a chance to relax properly, and the result was that every muscle in my body had seized up.
     
    I rolled off the bed in agony and managed to get to my feet. The pain was excruciating. It even hurt to walk, and the only way to move was using a Frankenstein’s monster shuffle. I slowly worked my way down the stairs to find the others waiting for me. They were all perfectly fine and raring to go. Bastards.
     
    Our plan was to go shopping for new gear and clothes. The girls were especially excited at the prospect and impatiently tried to get me to eat faster. The others had woken hours earlier and already eaten breakfast by the time I got up. The sight of them all chatting away, discussing the kinds of clothes they would look for, annoyed the fuck out of me, and I ate as slowly as possible. Not that I had much choice—even lifting a spoon was sheer torture.
     
    I finally finished and we prepared to leave on what I’m sure the girls considered our first true adventure—shopping.
     
    “It’s a shame we ain’t got the Key with us,” said Flossie. “Ah bet we’d get much better service if we flashed it around a bit.”
     
    “Maybe,” I said, “but it’s more important for us to keep a low profile and not let anyone think we’re anything other than some low level wannabes. Being underestimated is still our chief weapon. That and surprise. Our two chief weapons are surprise and being underestimated.”
     
    “And ruthless efficiency,” added Maurice.
     
    “Our three chief weapons are surprise, being underestimated,—”
     
    “And a fanatical devotion to the Pope.”
     
    “Our four chief weapons—”
     
    “What the fook are you two going on about?” said Flossie.
     
    “Not a Monty Python fan?” I said.
     
    Flossie shrugged. “Ni,” and then she