Free The Atonement by Lawrence Cherry Page B

two more lives that were now ruined
due to his thoughtless and selfish actions. Jim was tired of
hurting people. He was tired of suffering in misery and guilt. So
Jim did the only thing he could do. He prayed.
    “Father, I admit I’ve done a lot of awful
things and messed up my life and so many other lives in the
process. I need you to help me. I’m tired of doing the wrong thing.
I’m tired of making mistakes. Please bless me with the wisdom and
the courage to finally do the right thing”
    As he was praying, he heard someone open the
door to his room.
    “Hey, Jim. How are you feeling this morning?”
asked Callie.
    “How would you feel if you found out your
best friend had been raising your child for nearly a year?”
    Jim was going to be blunt and to the point.
There was no use in sidestepping.
    “I know what you’re thinking, Jim.”
    “Believe me you don’t.”
    “Who said Darius was yours? You were gone a
long time.”
    “Callie, Please. I’m not stupid and despite
my condition I can add and subtract very well. Why didn’t you tell
me?!”
    “When you came in, you were in bad shape.
Pastor Bynum felt that everyone should wait until you were
stronger…”
    “No, I’m talking about before. You had a
whole nine months and you knew where I was at!”
    “I tried to tell you! At the time, if you
remember correctly, you weren’t ready to be anybody’s anything,
much less a father. From the looks of things right now, I’d say
nothing’s changed.”
    “You can say whatever you want about me, but
that doesn’t give you the right to play a game on Allen. After all
he’s done for both of us, he doesn’t deserve that!”
    “So what do you think I should do? Hunh? You
want me to call him in here right now and tell him about our fling?
Tell him that Darius is your son? How’d you think that would make
him feel?”
    “Don’t come here with that. If you cared
about Allen, you would’ve been honest with him from the beginning.
And you certainly wouldn’t have conned him into a
relationship!”
    “I didn’t con him! I do care about Allen,
deeply.”
    “Please. The only person you care about is
you.”
    “And what about you? All you want from him is
a place to stay ‘til you can think of your next hustle. You think
the two of you will be able to live under the same roof once he
finds out? Have you thought about what the others will think when
they find out?”
    “That’s where you’re wrong. I don’t see how I
could live with Allen and keep him in the dark like that! And as
for the others, how do you think they’d feel about being lied to
after 20 years?”
    “Jim, please –listen to me. Allen loves
Darius and Darius loves Allen. They’ve bonded. Allen is the only
father Darius has ever known. Allen can provide for him. Why would
you want to take that away from either of them? When you chase
Allen away, do you think you’ll be able to care for Darius in the
same way? Do you think you can make Allen feel better about losing
the child that he regards as his own?”
    Callie’s words forced Jim to consider the
notion that telling the truth could possibly do more harm than if
he’d just kept his mouth shut. “Maybe Callie’s right. Everyone is
happy right now. All I’d do is throw water on everything…like
always” thought Jim. He didn’t want to ruin any more lives. He’d
had enough of that already.
    “I don’t feel good about this,” he said to
Callie.
    “I’m not having any fun with this either,
Jim. But there are other people that we have to think about.”
    “Fine. I won’t say anything.”
    “Believe me, Jim. It’s better this way.”
    Jim doubted that. He knew that truth would
eventually be known. His mother had taught him that. Jim thought
back to the night in the warehouse, when he prayed to the Lord for
his life. “Maybe it would have been better if I had died,” he
thought to himself.

 
     
    Eight

     
    Things had been slow at the
Sheraton as of late. A few of the