Free Stranger and Stranger by Rob Reger Page A

letdown. I mean, I already know what the cats are saying, and it doesn’t sound as great in English. Cats are a lot like French people—for many reasons, one being that everything they say sounds much cooler in their language.

    In any case, here’s what they’ve had to say:
Let us out! (constantly, by all of them)
Now! Now! Now! (constantly, by all of them)
Where is my catnip? (several times, by Miles)
Why are there two of you? (many times, by all)
I dislike there being two of you. (mostly Mystery)
I will punish you for this. (Mystery)
Mystery has defiled the closet. (Sabbath—that tattletale)
Let us do as Mystery has done. (Sabbath, NeeChee, and Miles)
What is that shiny thing on the other side of the room? (Sabbath)
Don’t touch me. (every time I tried to pet one of them)
Put me down. (every time one was picked up)
You will pay for this in your own blood. (see above)
&*%^$&#$%&$ (frequently—man, who knew cats had such filthy mouths?)
    Am feeling proud of us for completing the translator but annoyed at the cats for not being more pleased that there are two of me. They will just have to get used to it!!!!!!
    Later—just before daybreak
    Mom was reading the paper at breakfast when she suddenly started cackling. “Hey, E,” she said, “your, uh, friend Raven made the Silifordville paper!” We had a good hahaha together over the headlines (“Local Birdbrain Wows Scientists, Suitors”) and the photos (Raven demonstrating feats of strength and communication with birds; Raven posing with the ladies of the Silifordville Science Club; Raven fending off suitors with judo).
    But since then I have been sitting here feeling very displeased about Raven being exploited by the ladies of the Silifordville Science Club. Had thought that they were going to shelter her from the world a little better than this.
    Told OtherMe about the episode and suggested we bust Ravenout and bring her back home, but OtherMe brought me to my senses.

    O THER M E : What are you, dull? Remember that little incident with the ax?
    M E : Well, yeah, but it’s not like she’ll do THAT again.
    OM: C’mon. You don’t HEAR yourself talking in your sleep, man.
    M E : Really, it’s that bad?
    OM: For serious. You’re all like, “Mrble mrble oh no the nefarious arms of Gregor the Tickling RoboCockroach are slaughtering me mrble mrble mrble.”
    M E : Ahahhahahhhahah! Well, that doesn’t sound too dangerous.
    OM: And then you’re all like “DESTROY THE ODDISEE!” and then you’re all like “CUT MY HEAD OFF WITH AN AX, RAVEN!”
    M E : OK, that DOES sound serious.
    OM: “MRBLE MRBLE RAVEN, YOU MUST KILL MYSTERY AND PATTI!”
    M E : [Shocked.] OK! I get the picture.

    Vardtrax!!!!! Did not realize I had so much ANY subconscious hostility toward Mom and Mystery. Am grateful that OtherMe is looking out for us. Will not raise the subject of Raven again!
    Later
    In hindsight, it might not have been super tactful of me to bring up the whole losing-her-guitar-skills thing to OtherMe. All I said was, “Hey, OtherMe, was that a new musical genre you were inventing earlier, or do you just suck at guitar now?” She got steamed, made some cutting remarks about my performance on the skateboard, and left in a huff. Looks like she’s going to sleep in the treehouse.
    Not used to sleeping alone anymore. Sure wish OtherMe would come back inside. I feel kind of…lonely, I guess that’s what that feeling is. Not an emotion I have felt too many times in my life.
    June 13
    Master Pranks threatened, 1; mothers and identical twins cooperating with me, 0
    Mom is being difficult tonight. She wants me to go with her on our annual fun family outing to Black Basin Canyon tomorrow, which ordinarily I would love to do, but right now OtherMe and I have a Master Prank to pull off. Have not yet come up with a convincing story to get us out of it.
    Later
    Unbelievable!! OtherMe has broken my promise to Mom. Here’s what happened: I had told OtherMe that we needed a story