âIâd rather have big, red pimples up and down my tongue,â she said.
âIs that a yes ?â I asked.
âIâd rather stick my head into Pooperâs Pond,â shesaid. âIâd rather drill a third nostril into my nose.â
âIs that a maybe?â I asked. I slapped my hand over her mouth. âNo. Donât answer. I know what youâre really saying. Youâre really saying you want to ask me to the All-Nighter.â
April-May tossed back her head and laughed until she swallowed her bubble gum.
âOWW!â I let out a scream as someone attacked me from behind.
I felt two strong arms wrap around my waist. I lurchedâand fell backward onto the grass. Before I could move, someone landed on my stomach.
Jennifer Ecch!
That big, hulking girl I call Nightmare Girl. She sat on me, her stringy hair falling over her face. She gazed down at me with her one brown eye and one blue eye.
âHoney Cakes,â she cooed, âguess whoâs going to the All-Nighter with me?â
Chapter 5
B ERNIE B REATH
Do you know how embarrassing it is to be in fourth grade and have a girl whoâs totally in love with you?
Jennifer Ecch follows me everywhere. She calls me Honey Cakes and Baby Lamb. She thinks itâs perfectly okay to plant loud, smoochy kisses all over meâeven in class!
Itâs hard to fight her. Sheâs big and strong. She opens cans with her teeth !
And now here she was, sitting on my chest, inviting me to the All-Nighter in front of my girlfriend !
I struggled to breathe. âApril-May, donât bejealous,â I choked out.
April-May laughed. âThatâs so adorable, the way Jennifer tackled you and knocked your breath out,â she said.
âAdorable?â I cried. âShe broke sixteen ribs!â
April-May grinned down at me. âThatâs so cute, the way Jennifer is planting smoochy kisses up and down your arm.â
I groaned. âItâs giving me a skin rash! Iâll have to see the nurse!â
Jennifer grabbed my head and tugged it.
âThe head doesnât come off!â I screamed. âItâs attached to my neck!â
April-May laughed again. âBernie, itâs so totally cute how sheâs got you in that headlock and wonât let go until you agree to go to the All-Nighter with her!â
âCute? You call this cute ?â I wailed. âShe rubbed off all my hair. Iâve been scalped !â
April-May shrugged. âFrankly, Bernie, I donât know what she sees in you.â She tossed back her blond ponytail and hurried away.
The Ecch leaned over me, breaking a few more ribs. âDonât pay any attention to that stuck-up girl,Lamby Toes,â she cooed.
âDonât call me Lamby Toes!â I shouted.
âBaa-baa Berniekins,â she said.
SICK!
âJennifer, Iâ¦I canât go with you to the All-Nighter.â
She gave my ears a hard tug. I knew my earmuffs wouldnât fit anymore. âWhy not?â she demanded.
âIâ¦I have Dorm Patrol that night. I have to stay in and guard the dorm.â
She pulled my ears again. This time she pulled them so hard, they touched each other! âHoney Face, thereâs no such thing as Dorm Patrol.â
I gulped. âThere isnât?â
She squeezed my neck until my eyeballs nearly popped out. âBernie Breath, weâll have so much fun at the All-Nighter!â
âPleaseâ please donât call me Bernie Breath!â I begged.
âWeâll have the whole night together!â she said. âHours and hours!â
I groaned. I knew what the night would be like. Jennifer hugging me and holding on to me and calling me Bernie Breath in front of all my friends.
I mean, double
I couldnât go with Jennifer. No way. Especially since April-May was dying to ask me!
And here was the other problem: If The Ecch was hugging me all night, how would I
Chelle Bliss, Brenda Rothert