Free Reaching Out to the Stars by Donna DeMaio Hunt Page A

new, but then as you get used to each other the excitement wears off a little. At first I thought it was because I was just tired physically from raising two children, but then started to realize that for a while now, what once seemed to be a crazy obsession was becoming more of a distant thing of the past.
    I remember going for a drive in the car with Bryce, Ethan and Faith, just for a ride to nowhere, something that we do frequently. As my kids thoroughly enjoy music and are used to listening to what I listen to in the car day after day, Ethan always requests to hear “Falling,” which is undoubtedly his favorite. Lately, it always requires me to take out the CD that I am currently enjoying.
    As the four of us were driving, he proceeded to ask for the same song per usual. As I took out the CD I looked at Bryce and said, “I think I’m all Clayed out.” There are no words to describe the look on Bryce’s face when those words came from my mouth but he did say that he thought that, “Jesus was going to fall out of the sky.” The truth is I think J.C. did fall from the sky, but not that one.
    I always tuned into American Idol since season two. Season four won me as a true fan to a new born country star, Carrie Underwood, who I saw at Foxwoods in August 2008. I am always excited to go to a concert, as long as I am a fan of the music. I love everything from the hype to the atmosphere to the actual performance. Carrie was blessed with an unbelievable voice and I am envious of her. She is also, without a doubt, one of the most beautiful women in country music.
    Seasons three and six left me somewhat disappointed although I still had some favorites from season five such as Chris Daughtry and Kellie Pickler.
    Although I would always continue to be a true fan of Clay Aiken, my most admired idol, I began to accept that the excitement and enthusiasm of my fandom, once strongly possessed and sought after for the last five years, had finally been grounded….and then something happened.

    2004
    Clay Aiken Measure of a Man Tour
    Ryan Center, URI

Chapter 10
    American Idol (Season 7)
    As a new year surfaced, so did a new season of American Idol. I found myself watching week after week, looking forward to every Tuesday and Wednesday, carefully planning my schedule around shows because it would be a tragedy if I missed it. This season held the most talent that I had ever seen. I watched quietly, trying to hide my newest secret. Without words and large efforts to cover any expressions, I tried to stay subtle.
    Some of my thoughts and feelings were both very similar but also very different from my past infatuation with season two runner up, Clay Aiken.
    One of the major differences was that I was actually more embarrassed because three months into the show, I realized that my most recent crush was for a twenty-one year old and wondered if that was wrong, being thirteen years older. Being a thirty-four year old mother of two and having no more than an innocent crush on someone I knew I would never even come close to meeting, I was still feeling this weird guilt.
    I started to think back on the high school student who had the crush on me that I said seemed icky. As I realized that there was an eleven year difference between this student and me, I found myself thinking in a whole different light. I then started to feel extremely guilty. I did think there was a big difference between a seventeen year old and a twenty-one year old but I felt the need to get things off my chest. I needed to hear from someone else that I wasn’t some weirdo. I picked up the phone and called Maria.
    As I began to try to bring up the subject, I almost automatically felt uneasy about talking with her and confiding in her. We had drifted a little since her divorce. She had a new love interest, whom she had been dating for two years, and I still had not met him. I feared that our friendship had started to go in two different directions. I was desperately looking