Free The Present and the Past by Ivy Compton-Burnett Page B

test,’ said Ursula, as she bent towards her sister. ‘I cannot carry things off.’
    â€˜You are yourself. As I looked to find you. I would not have you rise to an occasion. I should feel you were someone else.’
    â€˜But a more manageable person.’
    â€˜Not the person I looked to see. Not my sister.’
    â€˜Do you think I am a success?’ said Elton. ‘I have meant my silence to cover so much.’
    â€˜You are both yourselves. You have stood the years. Myanxiety was in myself. I felt that change had come to me. I feared it might threaten you. But the onslaught of life has been easier on you. May it always be.’
    â€˜But we do not seem people who have not lived?’ said her brother.
    â€˜You have not lived much yet. Your time is to come.’
    â€˜Mine is not,’ said Ursula. ‘I tolerate nothing that looms ahead. I will not be threatened by life.’
    â€˜I am rather flattered by that,’ said Elton. ‘I should have thought it would pass me by.’
    â€˜There is no threat yet,’ said Catherine. ‘Your sky is clear. May it never darken. And now we leave the heights and depths. I see we are rescued from them. Ursula will deal with the tea today. I will be the guest. Anything she has done for years, she can do once more.’
    Ursula made some adjustment on the tray and yielded her place to her brother.
    â€˜Does Elton pour out the tea?’
    â€˜Yes,’ said the latter, with his eyes on doing so. ‘My touch is as sensitive as any woman’s.’
    â€˜More sensitive than Ursula’s?’
    â€˜No, but more successful.’
    â€˜This is a thing I had not imagined. I suppose there will be others.’
    â€˜No,’ said Ursula, ‘I think this is the only one.’
    Catherine looked from her brother to her sister.
    â€˜You have had your feeling for each other. I did not take that. What if you had not had it? What should I have done?’
    â€˜Would you not have done what you have now?’ said Ursula.
    â€˜I should. It is the truth. I will not fear it. But how we should have suffered, both of you and I!’
    â€˜Are you going to see Cassius?’ said Elton. ‘The question does not savour of curiosity.’
    â€˜It simply contains it,’ said Catherine, smiling. ‘I shall see my sons. I shall know them. They will know me. I may or may not see their father. That means nothing.’
    â€˜You have taken a brave step. Fancy my being able to say athing like that! I don’t think Ursula’s lips could have framed the words.’
    â€˜It was easy to take the step. I had to do so, knowing I was breaking faith. That had been a thing I could not do. I found I could do nothing else.’
    â€˜I wonder if I could face reality,’ said Elton.
    â€˜What do you call this?’ said Catherine, taking his hand and laying it on Ursula’s. ‘The feeling between you. What is that?’
    â€˜The foundation of our life. All lives must have a foundation. I was thinking of the things that come after it.’
    â€˜It is best to have a foundation and not to build on it,’ said Ursula.
    â€˜Foundations! Mine were torn from under me. I allowed it myself. I confused the incident with the essence. I have paid the price.’
    Catherine Clare had a short, spare figure, straight, rather handsome features, iron-grey, curling hair and dark eyes that seemed to realize their own swift glance. Her voice was a quick, deep monotone, and all her movements were directed to what she did.
    â€˜You are an accomplished tea-maker, Elton. I shall hesitate to take your place.’
    â€˜I have always hesitated,’ said Ursula. ‘I am uncertain of myself. It is a thing that is known about me, I think the only one.’
    â€˜You are proud of it,’ said Catherine, smiling.
    â€˜Well, I hope people think I am. They don’t despise you for things, if you are proud of them.