Free The Pirates! by Gideon Defoe Page B

for a hirsute gentleman such as myself is “a bear”. Can’t mess with the power of the pink pound! And it would be a shame not to share a nomenclature with such a fine animal.’
    Some of the pirates looked unconvinced by the Pirate Captain’s logic.
    â€˜There is also a chance we get our pirating powers from my beard, like Samson did in that book. So there’s another reason why I can’t help.’

    â€˜Try to look more tasty!’ the pirate with long legs shouted to the albino pirate.
    The albino pirate’s head resurfaced and he spat out a mouthful of seawater. ‘I don’t think this is really working. I’ve been nibbled by crabs and licked by a shark, but there’s no sign of any whales!’
    â€˜You’ve only been in there an hour,’ said the pirate in green.
    â€˜I can’t feel my arms or legs!’
    â€˜How’s it going, Number Two?’ said the Pirate Captain, relaxing in the
Lovely Emma
’s deck-side paddling pool. He was reading a book about whales.
    â€˜We lost another cabin boy,’ said the scarf-wearing pirate.
    â€˜Not the funny little one with the old man’s face?’ said the Pirate Captain, almost dropping his book.
    â€˜I’m afraid so, Pirate Captain. A barracuda ate him.’
    â€˜Good grief! Poor cabin boy. So young!’
    â€˜But with an old man’s face,’ said the pirate with a scarf wistfully.
    â€˜Yes. That’s what gave him such character. Our adventures won’t be the same without him.’
    â€˜And we’ve also lost quite a few krill-pirates to sharks and drowning,’ added the pirate with a scarf.
    â€˜A funny thing about that,’ said the Pirate Captain, nodding at his book about whales. ‘It turns out that my research might not have been quite up to scratch. Apparently sperm whalesdon’t eat krill at all. They’re actually quite fussy eaters. Around eighty per cent of their diet is squids.’
    This caused some grumbling from a few of the bedraggled krill-pirates swimming behind the boat. The Captain waved and shot them a guilty grin.
    â€˜Not to worry, lads. That isn’t the only thing I’ve learnt. This is why I’m always trying to encourage you lot to read more, because you can discover some fascinating things from books. It says here that whales, despite their brutish appearance, are in fact famed for being the most sensitive and romantic creatures in the animal kingdom, not only tending to mate for life but also able to communicate with each other over distances of thousands of miles.’
    â€˜That’s sweet, Captain, but I’m not sure I see how it helps us,’ said the scarf-wearing pirate.
    The Pirate Captain looked serious. ‘It so happens, Number Two, that a love of the theatre has not been the only outlet for the more poetic aspects of my soul. You know all those times I’ve disappeared into my cabin and not allowedanybody to disturb me? It will come as a shock for you to learn that I’ve not really been studying my nautical almanacs as I may have previously led you to believe.’
    â€˜To be honest, Captain,’ said the pirate in red, ‘we always suspected that you might have been looking at that book of saucy etchings you keep on the top of your wardrobe.’
    â€˜Well I’ve not been doing that either, not that I have a clue what you’re talking about. The fact is, these past few months I have been writing a
novel
. It’s a romance.’
    And somewhat sheepishly the Captain produced a manuscript from under his hat.
    â€˜I’m aware that this kind of thing is slightly frowned upon by the pirating fraternity, so obviously I will be using a pen-name, should the frankly narrow-minded publishing industry ever choose to recognise my talents.’
    The pirate crew breathed a quiet sigh of relief, because they could imagine what the Pirate King would have to say if he ever