Free Sadie the Sadist: X-tremely Black Humor/Horror by Zané Sachs Page B

scissors cut right through the wrist bones.
    Make severing his balls a snap.
    I make a mental note to post a 5-star review on Amazon.
    Now that the kid’s hands are gone, his stumps flail around, still trying to remove the camera. Blood splatters all over the place—the curtains will have to be replaced. I’m glad the couch is stain-resistant manmade crap instead of real leather. Crimson sprays arc to the ceiling and red drips down the wall. I need to paint for real, and I think the kid is right. Forget Bone , I should go with something darker.
    He’s making a weird wheezing noise and blood bubbles through the tape.
    I run to the bedroom closet, pull out the power drill, hurry back to the living room, and let it rip. Transferring the drill to my right hand, for practice, I step onto the plastic.
    “Okay, kid. Who’s boring now?”

Recipe
Sadie’s Southwest Chili
    Chili is a crowd pleaser, and it’s easy to make. You can use stew meat, ground meat, whatever meat you have lying around. I’ve been experimenting with making large batches and the recipe holds up—as long as you have room to store it!
    You may not know this, but chili powder is a blend of spices. The most important ingredient is the pepper. Chili peppers range from mild to hellishly hot depending upon how much capsaicin they contain. Capsaicin is the chemical compound that activates receptors in human nerves endings, creating the sensation of heat. A pepper’s intensity is measured in Scoville heat units. An average green Bell measures 0, Habaneros score up to 350,000. Ghost peppers, also known as Bhut Jolokin, measure 1,000,000. For a long time Ghosts were considered the hottest chili pepper, but the Trinidad Moruga Scorpion surpasses the Ghost, measuring up to 2,000,000 Scoville units—the equivalent of 400 Jalapenos. To avoid blistering on your skin, Scorpions should not be handled without gloves. When ingested they have a torturous effect on the mouth, nose and intestinal tract. So choose your peppers wisely. Chances are you won’t find anything hotter than a Habanero at your local market.

Southwest Chili
    Ingredients:
3 pounds meat, ground or cut into chunks (be careful not to include bits of bone and sinew—I’ve learned from experience)
    2 large Vidalia onions, chopped
    3 (or more) cloves of garlic, minced
    ¼ cup olive oil
    ¼ cup chili powder (more if you like it spicy)
    1 tablespoon ground cumin
    1 tablespoon oregano
    ¼ teaspoon cayenne (Ghost or Scorpion)
    1 large can tomatoes, chopped
    1 can red kidney beans
    1 can pinto beans
    Salt to taste
    Preparation:
    Heat olive oil in a large pot. Add onions and garlic, sauté until translucent and slightly caramelized. Add meat and cook until brown. (The younger the meat, the more tender, so it requires less cooking time.) Drain fat. Add chili powder, cumin, oregano, cayenne, and cook until the spices are absorbed. Add tomatoes and simmer for about a half hour. When chili is done, drain beans and heat through. Salt to taste.
    Optional: green bell peppers, corn (I used to use corn, now I don’t), if you want thicker chili, use a little flour mixed with water and add at the end.

Potluck
    Good thing I have today off. Clean up took most of the night, so I didn’t get much sleep. No matter how hard I scrub, I can’t remove all the stains in the living room. To hide them, I’ve rearranged pictures on the wall, but there’s a splatter of red I can’t reach on the ceiling. This morning I went out and bought several gallons of paint—washable, of course. I’m going with Red Obsession , dark red, and Smoky Salmon , muted pink. The colors are warm and feminine, plus the paint is dark enough to cover blood stains.
    This afternoon the condominium complex is holding the annual potluck. I’ve got several large pots of chili simmering on the stove.
    The kid saved me a lot of money. Like everything else, the cost of meat has skyrocketed. Butchering him took forever, because I didn’t want to rev the