Free Yarn by Jon Armstrong Page A

Jacket and Giraffe let out excited whoops.
    As the three of us headed through the crowded shopping floor, other t'ups began to follow, and by the time we reached a display of huge jackets, forty more were tagging along.
    "The woven lining provides body, hand, and contact." The saleswarrior wore a thick, fuzzy coat. The front was unbuttoned and she was nude underneath. Hers were the first breasts and vulva I had ever seen. I couldn't stop staring. I knew Kira didn't have a root in her skivvé, but now I wondered how she peed. "Electrical and mechanical stimulation is built into the lining," continued the warrior. "Our sensations are industry-leading."
    "Get the hunter green!" suggested Worm Jacket.
    Kira thought that funny.
    "We love you in black emerald," agreed Giraffe. "It brings out the mystery and cruelty in your eyes."
    Kira relented and selected a dark green coat. The gathered crowd cheered.
    Behind the fashion runway, Kira and I dressed separately. Worm Jacket came to help me. "Remon! Slow down. Take your pants off. This goes on first!" He held a strange silky blue pair of shorts with a round clump of fabric in front.
    "What is that?"
    "Don't you know what a Mr. Troy is? It's only the best men's panty. It's got the Spandik Cup front and Absorb-it technology.
    You know, it's like they used to say… it shapes and cups and helps you go nuts ." As he sang, his enthusiasm dimmed. "The skin on your fashion pin …" He narrowed his eyes. "Kira won't tell us anything about you. Where are you even from?"
    I looked him in the eye and said, "I was a prisoner."
    He froze. "Cut me," he muttered.
    For that instant I was in control. It wasn't a feeling I had often.
    "You really are like Warrior Remon."
    I was back on my heels again. "Who is Remon?"
    "Only the biggest character from the biggest epic. He's the dream man. And the thing is, he lived part of his life in the corn. That's the secret unmentionable thing about him. He meets and falls in love with Bunné, who is Neutering Queen JackRabbita. They have a secret affair and he loses his… well… you know."
    "This is made-up," I confirmed.
    "No. Like all Bunné's epics, it's based on a true story. That's where the power comes from." He struck a pose, stared intently into the distance, and then laughed. "I look a little like Remon, but he's so convinced and strong… I can't pull it off." He shrugged and then gently touched one of the live worms woven into his jacket. "I dress like Commander Sheppard in the Mulberry Jacket. He's Remon's best man." He gazed at me for a dejected moment then picked up the Mr. Troy. "So, anyway… um, when you get solid , this fabric stretches and surrounds you with sensitive silk. It's called sensi-silk. And the Absorb-it drains away those unsavory liquids." He peered at me. "Have you fashioned before?"
    I tensed. "No."
    He nodded slowly. "Well… okay. Here's what you should really know-and I'm not saying this to be a cut-Kira is an amazing knitter and a completely beautiful warTalker. She's my favorite celeb knitter… I mean, she's not a big one or anything… and her fashion company is really beleaguered now. But she's special. She's a real rebel, and she's risking everything and that's stunning. What she's doing with you is such a gift. You have to cherish this." He stared forward for a long beat, and I got the feeling he wanted to be with her. "I guess she knows what she's doing." I heard him swallow again. "Anyway, let's get you dressed. First put on the Troy and then your stockings… and then you've got a nice cream chemise here… and a ruffled lavender shirt…"
    When I was dressed, Worm Jacket and I headed to a room just behind the stage. Several t'ups in ornate and lavish costume waited to go on next. Thumping music and the occasional squawk of a voice echoed beyond the curtain.
    Kira came toward me in a thick, fuzzy jacket. Her large eyes were filled with warmth and unfamiliar vulnerability. She smiled and whispered, "Hello, Warrior