Free [Contributor 02] - Infiltrator (2013) by Nicole Ciacchella Page B

had ever expected to lead had been nothing but an illusion. At least with the Free Thinkers there was a chance that she might one day be able to build something more honest.
    When they reached the top, Raj faced her, his eyes searching hers. “This never gets easier, you know.”
    “Recruiting?”
    With a bitter smile, he shook his head. “I know how it seems. What I meant was that it never gets easier having to watch as other people have the veil pulled from their eyes. Mal thinks it’s a good thing, but he’s the kind of person who’d have made a horrible doctor. He’d have ripped the bandages right off, told people to suck it up and deal with the pain.”
    The unexpected bit of humor made her smile. “Yeah, I can see how this would be hard.”
    “I guess my point is, I hope you’ll realize this is hard for all of us. It’s hard for you, it’s hard for me, it’s even hard for Mal, though he doesn’t like anyone to suspect that it is.”
    “It’s a fair point.”
    Placing gentle hands on her shoulders, he met her gaze. “I hope, I really do, that this will be good for you, Dara. It won’t be easy, but what you’re going through with Andersen isn’t easy either. Ask yourself, what would become of you if you didn’t know what you know about him? What kind of person would you become then?”
    The thought made her stomach twist, but she didn’t answer him.
    “Sorry.” He sighed and released his grip on her. His arms fell to his sides, and for a moment he looked like a lost, helpless boy. “I don’t want to push you. I want to be a good mentor, and I want to help you as much as I can. You can always tell it to me straight. With me, you don’t have to pretend about anything. If you’re mad, tell me you’re mad. If you have second thoughts, tell me about those too. Trust me when I say it’ll be better for everyone if you do.”
    “Okay.”
    “Don’t worry,” he said, catching the expression on her face. “I don’t expect you to tell me all your thoughts, though you could if you wanted to. That’s a decision you’ll have to make for yourself.”
    “Thanks.” It meant more than she had anticipated, to know she had choices, however small they might be.
    “See you next week?”
    “Yeah.”
    “I’ll let your mom know you liked the cookies.”
    “Thanks, Raj. I…I appreciate it.”
    “It’s the least I can do.” His eyes were haunted, making her wonder what secrets he kept.

Chapter 14

    Joshua’s relief was palpable when his daughter returned, drenched in sweat. She had pushed herself all the way home, running much faster than her normal pace. It helped to work off some of her nervous energy, though she wasn’t sure exercise was the only reason she had chosen the grueling pace. She felt like she was running from something, running as fast as she could.
    “Shower,” she gasped, doubling over, hands on knees, as she sucked in air.
    “Of course,” her father said, though she could tell by his tone he was dying to know what had happened with the Free Thinkers.
    The shower revived her, and when she went into the living room her father sat waiting, a pitcher of water ready for her.
    “Thanks, Dad,” she said, flashing a grateful smile at him. She sank down on the couch, pouring herself a glass and draining its contents before she said anything. Exercise and the warm shower water had helped calm her nerves, though her head was still painfully full of everything she’d learned that day. It was going to take a long time to process everything.
    “You okay?” he asked.
    “No, not really. But that’s all right.”
    He nodded. He wasn’t okay either, and he didn’t need to say it for her to know it. “Did you…did you hear anything about…”
    She cut him off, her heart aching at his tentative words, at the mixture of hope and fear in his voice. “I brought this back for us.” She held the memory stick up to show him. “Give me a sec to get the unsecured tablet.”
    “Okay.” He