Free Think Yourself Lucky by Ramsey Campbell Page B

never do that till it's too late. Quite a few of my flyers are ending up on the street; it's a pity Mrs Rubbish isn't here to chase them. One sails into an arcade between a pair of department stores, and I'm looking for the next taker when a man trots after me. "Hold on there," he shouts. "You with the papers, hold on."
    He looks crushed by his outsize head and overhanging eyebrows. "Are you all right down there?" I enquire. "Need a lift up?"
    His head jerks as if it's trying to deflect the questions, though he wants me to think they're beneath him, which would mean they're pretty low. "May I ask what you think you're doing?"
    "May you?" After a pause for him to open his mouth and twitch his head again I say "I don't see any reason why you shouldn't. Go on then, give it a shot."
    "Just what do you think you're doing?"
    "Right now I'm letting people know I'm here."
    "Who are you supposed to represent?"
    "You don't see anyone but me, do you?" I say and flap a flyer in his face. "I'm all you get and that's enough for everyone."
    "So you're the man I need to talk to, are you?"
    He's trying to sound big, but his lurching head doesn't help his image. "You'd be better off hoping you don't," I tell him. "Who are you meant to be?"
    "I represent the council," he says in a voice too large for him.
    "That's a big job. Sure you can fit it in?"
    His head jerks as if I've struck it like a punchball. "I'm here to determine if you're authorised."
    "Somebody wants what I do, believe me."
    "I'm asking if you have a permit to distribute advertising." Mr Twitch narrows his eyes as if his bristling brows have put on weight. "If you can't show it to me—"
    "Don't trouble your head. It looks as if it's got enough trouble as it is. I'm authorised all right."
    "By whom?"
    "Do you know, I think you've met him."
    Twitch the midget scowls up at me and then at my hands. "I'm still waiting to be shown."
    "Wait away if it'll keep you quiet. You want to see someone about those fidgets, though. Shall I have a go at fixing them?"
    His head jerks so hard it seems to shake his mouth awry, but I expect he's grimacing at his inability not to twitch. "I'm warning you, Mr, Mr—"
    "There'd have to be a pair of me to make me Mr Mister. I tell you what, take one of these and see how much you can find out. See, it's coming for you." I say and stoop to retrieve the flyer that has drifted out of the arcade.
    "Can't you look where you're going?" a man shouts, and I get out of just enough of his way as I swing around to confront him.
    He brakes the mobility scooter again, though I'm sure he's more concerned about it than about me. He has stuffed as much of himself into the seat as he can, and he looks like a petulant toddler who'd have a tantrum if anyone tried to deny him his old high chair. His round face resembles perished rubber pumped red by a tube made out of several chins. "I'm exactly where I'm meant to be," I tell him.
    He shakes his head as if he's trying to outdo Twitch, and all the chins compete with his face at wobbling. "Trying to cripple someone?" he blusters loud enough to be appealing for an audience. "Trying to get yourself killed?"
    That's the very last thing I have in mind. You wouldn't say it if you knew me better."
    "Trying to cripple me, then."
    "I'd say somebody's already done a sterling job."
    Twitch sees the chance to remind me of his. "We don't encourage that kind of language about people who are challenged, Mr..."
    That doesn't fit my remark too closely, but perhaps he has to stick to his script. "The name's on the page," I remind him.
    This time he takes the bill I hold out as the one on the pavement swoops at the evangelist. "Mr Lucky, is it?" Twitch says. "I wouldn't count on too much luck with me."
    "I've lived up to my name all my life, and I don't count on anybody but myself," I say and stare at Mr Sitdown. "You just need a self worth counting on."
    "I'm sure this gentleman has," Twitch wants to be heard saying. "Especially when he hasn't