Free Hold Us Close (Keep Me Still) by Caisey Quinn Page A

had no one to turn to.”
    My mouth turns down and tears threaten but I swallow them back. “I called Corin yesterday before Landen got attacked. After we talked, I decided to call a professional for help. Her name is Megan Sanderson and she’s a doctor at the Axis Center—a place in California that Landen’s coach recommended he visit for help with his anger. As some of you already know, he’s currently on his second suspension for losing his temper.”
    I keep my eyes on Landen as I speak. His hands grip his knees, and I want to drop to mine and apologize. Tell everyone to leave and forget it. But I know it’s now or never. Making excuses for him won’t help him. “Dr. Sanderson suggested we each tell him how we feel about him. How his anger affects us and why we would like for him to seek help.” My hands shake as I pull the first picture off the wall. “I’ll go first.”
    His expression is pained when I turn back to face him. “Why are you doing this?”
    I shake my head and give up on holding back my tears. My vision blurs as I look at him. “Because I love you,” I whisper. “But I can’t love our problems away.”
    After I’ve taken all the pictures off the wall, revealed all of the damage he’s done, I walk over to him. “I’m as guilty as you are. I covered it up. Made excuses. Saw what I wanted to see. I’m sorry, Landen.” After pausing to pull in a rattled breath, I continue. “I want you to get help because I want to spend my life with you. I want to raise our child together in a happy home without being afraid that you’ll destroy it.”
    His mom reaches over and clasps my hand. My tears fall as I meet her questioning gaze and nod. She didn’t know I was pregnant. The knowledge that Landen hasn’t told his own mother stings, but I try to convince myself that it’s a reflection of their relationship and not ours.

    His mom stands and I take her spot on the couch. Regret and longing pour from her words as she speaks. “I want you to get help because I love you. Because you spent your life paying for my choices. Because I wasn’t strong enough to admit the truth. I want you to have the life you deserve because you are a wonderful man that I’m proud to call my son.”
    I think she’s talking about his father but I’m not sure. The truth about what? I give Landen a sidelong questioning glance but he just shakes his head. His back is ramrod straight, his shoulders rigid, as if he’s braced for an attack. In a way, I feel like that’s exactly what we’re doing to him.
    Mr. McBride clears his throat and locks eyes with Landen. “Son, I think you already know how the club feels. You’re the best striker we’ve had in years. The kind of player that changes the game, reminds me why I love it so much. Be a shame for you to throw away such a bright future over your pride. It’s easy to run from our problems. Takes a man to face them head-on.”
    I slip my hand into Landen’s, praying silently that one day he’ll forgive me for this. He gives me a gentle squeeze in return and I tell myself there’s hope.
    Skylar is next. Running his hand through his curly hair, he sighs. “Look, I can’t tell you how to live your life. I fuck mine up at least once a day. But I can tell you this: what you and Layla have…it’s not something you find around every corner, you know?”
    Glancing over, I see Landen nod at his friend.
    “I mean, shit. Corin would have me taken out if I’d so much as raised my voice on the wrong day of the week.”
    “Truth,” Corin says with a shrug.
    “So if you love her, if you really want to make it work, I’d do whatever she wants if I were you. Go into anger management rehab or whatever the hell. And then there’s bank to be made playing professional soccer. And you’re having a kid. So money’s kind of an issue.” Skylar looks over at me. “Is that good? Did I do okay?”
    I can’t help but smile as I nod. He sighs with relief and sits back down.