Free The Incident (Chase Barnes Series Book 1) by John Montesano Page B

thing I’m working on.  Esteban.”  She saw how fragile I suddenly became and knew, from prior experiences, where this was headed.  And like always, she played right into it.  Forced me to talk about it.  We had been up for almost an hour, the clock was pushing past three in the morning and I knew Lindsey had to be up for work in about three hours.
                  “What about it?” she said.
                  “I’m not sure.  You know, just being back in the police business, in some form or another, has really got me worried.”  Lindsey cut me off before I could finish my thought.  She knew I was then talking about Jake and not Esteban.
                  “Worried about what?” she asked.
                  “You were there for the panic attack,” I said.
                  She twirled her teacup between her fingers.  So I continued.
                  “That the more I jump into this thing the less I’m going to allow myself to discover.  I mean, I know Esteban and Jake are two different types of situations from two very different lifestyles but just the fact that I’m probably going to end up needing to talk to some people I’d rather not talk to and head into some neighborhoods that I’d rather not visit.”  Lindsey could see where I was going with this.  And I couldn’t tell if she caught the fact that I referred to Jake in the present tense.
                  She got up out of her seat and came to sit on my lap.  She put her left arm around the back of my shoulders and her right hand across my chest, clasping her fingers at the opposite end.  “Maybe this is what you, what we need.  Maybe this is part of our healing process.  Seeing that you can do something good for another family, despite how screwed up it may be.  Do you think you should mention this to Dr. Sharper to see what she thinks?”
                  She knew I didn’t like Dr. Sharper.  Sharper was somehow recommended as the best shrink that specialized in police officers.  And since my official dismissal from the department, I was told that my free therapy sessions had ended.  Lindsey periodically attempted to coax me into continuing my sessions.  I told her the cost of her sessions was a primary concern but Lindsey instantly called my bluff saying that her insurance would cover it. 
    “Sharper’s an idiot.  She doesn’t know her ass from a hole in the ground.”  That got Lindsey to chuckle. 
                  She turned towards me, looked me in the eye, and said, “I believe in you.”
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    TWENTY TWO
     
    In hindsight, I think that’s why I left Paterson yesterday.  I had gotten close to reaching a goal, albeit a very small one, in seeing Esteban’s neighborhood.  Where he lived.  What his home life was like.  How he survived outside of the safety net of school.  But I didn’t get the answers to any of those questions.  At least not yet. 
                  After Lindsey left for work, I set off again.  From where we live in Wayne, Paterson is only a ten to fifteen minute trek, depending on where in Paterson you wanted to go.  I headed down Alps Road towards Route 23, which eventually fed into Route 80 or Route 46.   I chose the former.  The weather was quite brisk but I had the windows down and the sunroof tilted on my beige Santa Fe.  I always had my iPod with me, plugged into the car stereo through an auxiliary cable.  My iPod, music in general, was my vice.  The only moments I felt truly unrestricted and free from worry.  It was one of the few connections that Jake and I had.  That and sports.  I connected Jake to the rock and roll of yesteryear while he kept me in the loop on the latest flash in the rap game. 
    My iTunes Library has over six thousand songs of quite a variety.  My musical preference is all over the map.