Free Culture War by Walter Knight Page A

Night Football.
Technology advanced as humanity marched across the stars, but as
long as American traditions endured, there would be the NFL and
Monday Night Football. To hell with soccer – everyone knows soccer
sucks.
    Guido set up his satellite dish TV for the
Arthropodan marines. American satellite TV reception was still
banned on the spider side, and satellite dishes were still being
confiscated. Set on a card table at the MDL, the big screen TV
pointed to the spider side. Guido was also busy taking last-minute
bets. The recent Arthropodan prohibition actually increased Guido’s
business among the spiders, because they could no longer make
sports bets electronically through New Memphis.
    The gathering of spider guards was larger
than usual because of the increasing amounts of money being bet on
the game. Most of the spiders favored the Seahawks over the
Steelers. Even spider team leaders and the spider duty officer
checked in for score updates, and to disperse the troops back to
their responsibilities. Guido set up a snack bar and beer garden
for those spider marines off duty or on their lunch break.
    Meanwhile, Lieutenant Washington was leading
his first commando mission. Intelligence gathered during his school
recruiting tour indicated school kids on the spider side of the MDL
were griping about a large confiscation of Cowabunga skateboards by
Arthropodan border guards. It had become a major issue. The truck
full of skateboards was being stored at an unguarded impound yard
just across the border in North New Gobi City.
    The Legion already had a secret tunnel in
place to cross the MDL. Lieutenant Washington led Sergeant
Williams, Corporal Valdez, Private Camacho, and Private Wayne
through the tunnel. They met up with waiting spider teenagers, who
drove them to the impound yard.
    As a diversion, Pastor Jim set off aerial
fireworks from his church on the hill overlooking New Gobi.
Legionnaires cut through the impound yard fence and broke into the
truck trailer. Quickly they loaded crates of skateboards and
accessories into the spider teenagers’ cars. Caught up in the
emotion of the moment, a teenager extended a claw to Lieutenant
Washington in respectful appreciation of Legion help.
    “ Dude, thank you so much,”
he said, shaking claws with Lieutenant Washington. “The Legion
rocks!”
    “ You are most welcome,”
responded Lieutenant Washington. “If you can’t come to America,
then America will come to you.”
    Eyeing the other spider legionnaire, the teen
ran up to Private Wayne to shake claws. “Dude you rock, too!”
    “ Call me ‘dude’ one more
time, and I’ll cut you into little pieces and feed you to my
favorite human pestilence for midnight snacks,” warned Private
Wayne, as he pushed the teenager back.
    “ He’s not much on public
relations and touchy-feely emotions during combat missions,”
explained Sergeant Williams. Williams let out a rebel yell and gave
the spider kid a high five. “We all rock tonight!”
    Emboldened, the teenager ran up to Private
Camacho to give him a high five to show gratitude. Startled by a
spider rushing up behind him, Private Camacho dropped the crate he
was loading and drew a large jagged combat knife, taking a swipe at
the youth. The teen ducked back just in time. More cautious now, he
settled for giving Corporal Valdez a wave and a ‘thank you’ from a
few feet away. Corporal Valdez responded to the gesture with a chin
nod and a thumbs-up. All the spider teenagers picked up on that and
returned the thumbs up and tried to imitate the chin nod. Because
of their rigid exoskeletons, the spiders had difficulty with the
chin nod. They could only manage what looked more like odd mandible
twitching. However, their heartfelt intent was successfully
conveyed. Even Private Camacho returned the thumbs up and a
nod.
    In the next few days, spider youth all across
the New Gobi Desert got an early Christmas present. To the
consternation of Arthropodan authorities, each