Free Mexican Kimono by Billie Jones Page B

followers.
    ‘Great. Well that’s a relief.’
    ‘Kylie cut my hair the other day and was telling me all about you and Jonathan from Accounting. I’ve never laughed so hard in all my life!’
    ‘Jonathan? I hardly know him.’ I was going to wrap Kylie in the kimono she was so terrified of and bury her alive in it.
    Charlize frowned as though she didn’t believe me and said, ‘Kylie reckons you asked him over to do your tax return, but really you were planning on seducing him. And you said something about spreading your sheets and he totally didn’t get it!’ Laughter rumbled out of her like a Harley Davidson that needed a tune up. Cross this girl off the BFF list too.
    ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about! Kylie was the one who liked Jonathan, not me!’
    ‘Oh? That’s weird because she has this email that you sent him, apologising and stuff. She showed all of us at poetry group.Then she showed us his reply, which was mean, hey? I don’t think you’re a stalker at all!’
    At this point, I began to worry about my blood pressure. My dad died from a heart attack from the stress of all his gambling. I was going to kill Kylie. I should have known better than to trust someone with a criminal record. She was obviously used to a life of crime and had somehow broken into my email account.
    ‘I think someone who breaks into other people’s email accounts is more stalker-ish, don’t you?’ I said haughtily.
    ‘Yeah, totally. Kylie said you gave her the emails, though.’
    ‘I should ring her probation officer. I think she must be abusing drugs to be so totally delusional. Poor girl.’
    ‘Oh? I think she’s going great guns. Her business is booked out for months now. She’s doing really well. I ran into JJ today and even he is getting his hair done by her. That’s really saying something.’
    ‘Yeah. It’s saying FREE in big, fat capital letters.’
    ‘Ha, ha! You’re so funny!’ Again with the ditzy girl laugh when I’m being serious. What is with that?
    ‘I aim to please. So, where should we go? What’s that new bar you were talking about?’ I needed to get out of my apartment. Just knowing Kylie was four square metres away was upsetting my equilibrium. I could not be held responsible for my actions after one or two bottles of wine.
    ‘It’s called Pestilence. It looks really cool.’
    ‘Are you going dressed like that?’ I asked Charlize, hoping by some miracle from God she would revert to the semi-pretty super-rich girl decked out in designer label clothes.
    ‘Yeah. I might just put a bit more eyeliner on, though.’ The vampire look really was becoming a movement. I couldn’t grasp the fact that people wanted to look deathly pale and half-dead. I feared I was becoming one of those ‘old’ people who complained about the younger generation. If that were the case, I think I’d have to try the ‘just woke up dead’ look, as much as it repulsed me.
    ‘More eyeliner? I can barely see your eyes as it is!’
    She laughed again. ‘Would you like me to do your make-up?’
    I couldn’t help it. I started choking on my mouthful of wine. ‘Ah, no thanks. I think I’ll stick with mineral makeup. Thanks all the same.’
    ‘Before I forget, I want to see your kimono, too. Everyone’s talking about it.’
    ‘What? Who told you about my kimono?’
    ‘Kylie. She said your life is falling apart, one piece at a time. That it’s like something from a horror movie!’
    ‘Oh please. My life is not falling apart!’
    ‘So, who do you think is behind it?’ she asked.
    ‘Someone with way too much time on their hands. Anyway, it’s under control. I’ve got the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency involved, so whoever is trying to besmirch my reputation better be very careful.’ Take that, I thought, knowing full well this news would get back to Kylie and Co.
    ‘The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency?’
    ‘Yes, Mme Ramotswe happens to be a good friend of mine.’
    Charlize rolled her eyes – well,