Free Cherishing You by JoRae Andrews Page B

no idea she felt that way towards me at all. I didn’t mean to hurt her; how could I have this so messed up? My own eyes start welling up, and there have only been a few times I’ve ever cried in my life—when my dad died, when Andi and I got into the big fight, and then again when I showed up to her house the next day to apologize and talk to her, and she was gone. I’d figured she was pretty mad at me but that she’d understand why I was doing what I had to do if she would just calm down. I thought it best to leave her alone for a little while, and then try to talk with her. I had to get her to understand; otherwise, I didn’t think I could go through with it. Instead, in less than twelve hours she’d packed up and taken off, out of town and away from me. I’d never in my life felt so abandoned. She had crushed me.
    “I’m so sorry you felt that way, Andi, I truly am. What you didn’t know was that I was fighting for you. She had wanted you out of my life from the beginning. She was so jealous of our relationship. I refused to let that happen though, told her no matter what happened between the two of us that you were always going to be my best friend, so she’d better get used to it. But when she told me she was pregnant, I was so scared of being a father when I was so young, and I was angry that I was always going to be attached to her. I always thought I’d at least be a father with a woman I loved, and I was never in love with Kelly.
    “I was trying so hard to figure out the best thing to do. I could never have gone through with marrying her if I didn’t have your support. I needed you to tell me it was the right thing to do, because I sure as hell didn’t want to do what was right. I wanted to grab you and take off, but that would be running and hiding, and you and I both know I could never run away from being a father. It wasn’t who I was then, nor who I am now.”
    “I know that, Ethan, and I would never have expected you to leave. That’s why I did. I knew that, with or without my approval, you would marry her and be the best father to your child. That you would be willing to put up with her bullshit every day if it meant you would have your child with you. I get it, but there was no way I could’ve stood by and watched it. The thought of her being with you was hard enough, but to watch it was pure torture. I could tell by the look in your eyes you weren’t in love with her, which made the whole situation even worse. You were willing to throw away your entire future for that baby with a girl you weren’t in love with. Plus, there are thousands of men and women out there having babies every day who aren’t married. Why did you have to marry her?”
    “Listen, Andi, none of this really matters anymore, does it? I mean it.” I run my hands through my hair. “It doesn’t change anything. The past is just that, and I’m done worrying about it. The bottom line is there’s no more Kelly, or a baby to worry about. Right now, there’s you and me, so what are we going to do about us?” I had walked around a few paces while I was talking, and I came back to stand in front of her, place my hand under her chin, and tilt it up. I look her in the eyes, and damn if she doesn’t make me want to wrap her up with me so tight we feel as if we’re one. My connection with her is crackling between us like lightning. I can’t get enough of her; I don’t think I ever will.
    “Andi, do you feel this same connection I do every time we touch? I can almost feel you walk into the room, like there’s this fire that sparks whenever you are near me. So tell me I’m alone in this, that I’m crazy. Tell me you don’t feel it too. Tell me you don’t want me as much as I want you. If you can tell me you don’t feel it, I’ll never touch you again. I’ll never try to kiss you again.”
    I watch her eyes close and, for a second, I think I may have been reading her all wrong this whole time. Maybe I was dreaming