Free Beyond the Quiet: Romantic Thriller by Brenda Hill Page A

sudden irrational sense of betrayal? Maybe she was right. Maybe I did need a shrink.
    “Guess you’ll think twice about coming over here a gain,” I said, trying to laugh.
    “How about some hot tea?” Without waiting for an answer, she rose and headed for the kitchen. I trailed after her, reluct ant to let her out of my sight.
    Until Maggie had entered my life, I’d never realized how lonely I’d been. With her, I could relax and be myself, a luxury I never allowed myself even with my husband and daughter. Oh, when Shanna was small, it had been different. We were truly close, and every day was a joy.
    But as she grew older, our relationship changed. She adopted some of Mac’s teasing ways, always in fun, yet I gradually became aware that behind it all, she, like Mac, thought I was nice, but not very bright. After that I quietly doubled my efforts to be self-sufficient and strong.
    “Lisa?” Maggie said.
    “Sorry. I was wool-gathering.” My mother's favorite expression popped out. 
    Maggie laughed. “While you’re at it, gather some for me, too. I need a new sweater.”
    I laughed, suddenly at ease again. G od, this woman was good for me.
    “Want to talk about it?” she asked, taking tea bags from the canister.
    I told her about Shanna’s call.
    “She’s young,” Maggie said. “At that age, things are either black or white. Give her some time.”
    “I just don’t know. I just don’t know anything anymore. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I should just go on out there instead of worrying about these bills.”
    “Sounds like a plan to me.”
    “I could live with them until I got a paycheck, see Kyle. Make up my expenses by babysitting. It wouldn’t be so bad.”
    “I’ll help you pack.” Maggie poured tea into white mugs and brought them to the table. “Whatever you want to do, I’ll help. I’ll miss you, but I want you happy. Both Stan and I do.”
    “I know, and I’m grateful.” I sighed. “It sounds so good, just like a dream.”
    “You can make it happ en. We’ll help.”
    I sipped my tea before meeting Maggie’s eyes.
    “I know that expression,” she said. “Okay, why won’t you go?”
    “I can’t live off Shanna. I’d feel like shit. I’d get defensive and grouchy, and pretty soon they’d be wishing I’d leave. No, I just can’t do it.”
    “We can help you—”
    “Forget it. I’m already in debt to you so I’m certainly not going to take more. Besides, I owe too much to leave.”
    Maggie patted my hand. “Honey, sometimes you have to decide what’s more important. I know it’d be hard at first, especially with your independent streak a mile wide. But Shanna wants you there. Sounds like she needs you.”
    “I can’t risk it.”
    “Why? What are you so afraid of?”
    I thought about it. “I’m not sure I really know. I just feel panic at the thought of her ever looking at me in that way.”
    “What way? You’re not making sense.”
    I thought back to something that had happened years ago, something I’d tried all of my life to forget. I was about five and my mother had remarried and gone back to work. She’d left me with my new stepfather and I was terrified. I couldn’t remember exactly why, but I could remember sobbing. I must have turned to him because he recoiled
    “Don’t come near me, you snotty-nosed kid.” His face was twisted with scorn. “Just look at you. Don’t you know how disgusting you are? Go clean yourself up, then I’ll see if I can stand to touch you.”
    “No,” I said now to Maggie, “I can’t let her see me again in a weakened condition. I’ll wait until I’m strong.”
    “But honey, she’s your daughter.”
    “It doesn’t matter who it is. Shanna might be angry, but it’s better, in the long run, to wait. I have to stay here and get things under control.” I shook my head. “It’s just so damned ironic. And unfair.”
    Maggie squeezed my hand. “What’s ironic?”
    “All those years of budgeting, missing movies I