Free The Flinkwater Factor by Pete Hautman Page A

strangle him and leave him for the rats, especially after I slipped and fell headlong in a gloopy puddle of I-don’t-want-to-know-what. Fortunately for him, we soon reached our destination: a concealed doorway set into the side of the sewer wall. Billy pulled a hidden lever out from a recess in the wall, and the door swung open to reveal a narrow staircase leading up. We climbed the stairs to another door and found ourselves in Billy’s underground sanctuary.
    I have mentioned Billy’s underground bunker before, but allow me to explain a bit more. Wilhelm Krause, the eccentric corn baron who, back in the 1950s, built the house where Billy and his familynow lived, had constructed a bomb shelter in the subbasement. That bomb shelter was now Billy’s bedroom.
    â€œHe must have built in this escape tunnel just in case,” Billy explained. “I found it hidden behind this wall panel a few years ago. It comes in handy sometimes, like when I’m grounded, or when J.G. is being a jerk. Besides, it’s fun exploring the sewers.”
    â€œThat was not fun ,”I said. “That was disgusting. ”
    â€œIt was fun and disgusting,” said Myke. “I didn’t know there were so many animals living underground!”
    â€œIf you start keeping sewer rats for pets, I’m going to unfriend you,” I told him.
    Myke shrugged, smiling.
    Redge was digging through a pile of Billy’s dirty laundry.
    Everybody seemed delighted with how things were going. Except for me.
    â€œI have to change,” I said.
    â€œInto what?” Billy asked.
    â€œClean, dry clothes, dog breath! Look at me!”
    â€œOh.” He looked at me. “How did you get so dirty?”
    â€œGive me that laser thing,” I said. I wasn’t actually going to kill him, just clonk him over the head with it.
    He must have seen something in my eyes because he backed quickly away. “There’s clothes right there,” he said, looking at the basket that had consumed all of Redge’s head except for his floppy ears.
    â€œ Clean clothes,” I said.

26

    Framistats and Thingleberries
    Billy found a pair of fresh jeans and a T-shirt with a picture of Albert Einstein sticking out his tongue. I had no idea what that meant—probably some boy joke—so I turned the shirt inside out and went into the bathroom to change. The jeans were a little loose. I had to roll the waistband a couple of times to get them to stay up. I came out looking anything but fashionable. Billy and Myke could not have cared less. They were examining the collar. Redge was looking somewhat nervous.
    â€œDon’t hurt him,” I said.
    Myke gave me a scathing look, letting me know that he, the founder and president of AAPT, would never cause an animal distress.
    â€œSorry,” I said. “I wasn’t thinking.”
    Billy was examining the two wires that ran from the collar to the back of Redge’s skull.
    â€œI can detach them from the collar easy,” he said. “But he’ll still have these wires hanging out. I’m not sure how deep they go . . . . I mean, if they go all the way into his brain, he’ll need surgery to get them out.”
    â€œBut we can take off the collar?”
    â€œOh sure. Let me just unfasten the buckle and—”
    I moved closer to get a better look, and I guess I wasn’t watching where I was stepping. Redge let out a yelp and jerked away. There was a faint ­double pop. The dog screeched and ran to hide under Billy’s bed.
    Billy stared at the two wires hanging from the collar in his hands. Myke followed Redge under the bed. I just stood there trying hard not to lose it.
    â€œIt’s okay!” Billy said. “He’s gonna be okay!”
    â€œOkay?” I said. “You just yanked wires out of his brain!”
    â€œNo I didn’t.” Billy was examining the ends of the wires. “Look, the wires just went