Free Humble Boy by Charlotte Jones Page A

She stubs out the cigarette. )
    Felix    Why didn’t you tell me?
    Flora    I would rather that he died of a heart attack. I am more comfortable with that version of events.
    Felix    More comfortable?!
    Flora    For his sake. It makes him look less of a fool.
    George    This doesn’t change anything.
    Flora    You have said that once already, George.
    George    Your mother and I are still going to be married. Whatever you think.
    Rosie    If it’s any consolation, after the wedding, I will be your sister and your daughter will also be your niece. If you weren’t fucked up before, this will really send you reeling.
    Flora    Ah, Rosie. Just when the conversation was flagging.
    George    Rosie. Fliss isn’t his – you promised me she wasn’t –
    Flora    She’s not his daughter.
    Mercy    I don’t think I can cope. ( Mercy starts to cry silently. )
    George    Rosie – you said it was that long-haired lad from The Bell. You promised me.
    Rosie    She’s Felix’s daughter.
    Flora    Not without DNA evidence she’s not.
    George    You don’t know that for sure, do you? Rosie?
    Rosie    I’m her mother and I know.
    Flora    I’m not a grandmother. She’s lying –
    Rosie    I’m not.
    George    But there’s no proof, is there, love?
    Flora    Of course there isn’t.
    Felix    ( desperate ) Rosie. I have been walking around with this for four weeks. I have b–been trying to rise to this. I have been trying to feel what this feels like. Please don’t lie to me.
    Rosie    I’m not lying. After you left, I … I did sleep with a few men –
    Flora    I’m sorry. Forgive me for being pedantic but ‘a few’ is not the correct collective noun in this case.
    Rosie    Dad, tell her.
    George    You did put yourself about, Rosie love.
    Rosie    I was heartbroken at the time.
    Felix stands up.
    Felix    I’m sorry. This is too much.
    Flora    Sit down. You will not walk out on me again. I deserve more respect from you.
    Felix    Why?
    Flora    Because I am your mother.
    Felix    You have to do a bit of mothering in order to earn that title. And sadly that has never been your strong suit, has it?
    Flora    What?
    Felix    You don’t love me, Mother.
    George    Oh, Christ on a bike.
    George takes out his headphones and puts them on during the next.
    Flora    Of course I do. You are my son.
    Felix    That doesn’t follow. You know that.
    Flora    You’re talking nonsense.
    Felix    I am sure you tried. But you couldn’t do it.
    Rosie    Love embarrasses you, Felix. You can’t turn it into an equation. There is no constant as far as you are concerned. Dad. Take them off.
    George    I’m not listening to his crap.
    He turns the music up. He taps away to it.
    Mercy    There is no point in being constant in love. It’s seen as a sign of weakness.
    Flora    ( to Mercy ) Oh God! I don’t know why you’re crying.
    Mercy    I may as well throw the soup away.
    Flora    None of this has anything to do with you.
    Rosie    Oh Mercy, don’t cry. It’s all right.
    Flora    Take those bloody headphones off right now, George, before I rip them off.
    George    ( he can’t hear ) What? ( He takes them off. )
    Rosie    ( to George ) Mercy’s upset.
    Mercy    ( crying ) I’m sorry, sorry, sorry. I get these brief bursts of unutterable sadness. I’m taking a herbal remedy.
    Rosie    Are you?
    Mercy    Yes. It’s for people