Free Easily Amused by Karen McQuestion Page B

It was all I could do to keep from shouting the words. “And if I hear the birthday song, preannounced or otherwise, someone’s getting hurt.” I stood up. “How’s that for a compromise?”
    The three of them regarded me with wide eyes.
    “Party pooper,” Mindy said. “No-fun Lola strikes again.”
    “Whenever you don’t get your own way you resort to name-calling,” I said. “Grow up, Mindy.”
    “Oh, I am grown up, thank you very much.” She held up her left hand and wiggled her ring finger so the light glinted off the diamond. “I’m the one getting married, remember?”
    I’d heard enough. “I don’t want to be rude,” I said, grabbing her wedding brochures and stuffing them back into the bag, “but you really have to go now.”
    “I’m not done with my wine yet,” Jessica protested, holding up a full glass. Somewhere during the cake debate she’d refilled it without me noticing.
    I jerked the glass out of her hand and took a long swig of the Fat Bastard. It was surprisingly delicious: flavors of stone fruit like plums and cherries combined with cedar and toasty aromas. Kelly didn’t know squat about wine. I looked down to see Jessica staring at me, mouth agape.
    Mindy stood up and looped the bag over her arm. “Come on, Jessica. When she gets like this, there’s no talking to her. We might as well go.”
    “She drank my wine,” Jessica said, incredulous.
    “I’m sorry you have to rush off,” said Hubert. “It was nice seeing you again. It’s been a long time.”
    “Maybe now that you two are living together we’ll see each other more often,” Mindy said, helping Jessica to her feet.
    “We’re not living together,” I said, setting the story straight.
    Hubert smiled. “Oh no, I’m not going to be living here. Lola’s just letting me stay until I get things worked out.”
    “Whatever,” Mindy said. “Staying. Living. Call it what you want. Either way, you’re both sleeping under the same roof.” She pulled Jessica’s arm in the direction of the door. “I think I better drive. You’ve had a little too much of that Fat Bastard.” I heard Jessica giggling even after the door was shut behind them.
    “Well,” Hubert said. “That was interesting. Hard to believe Mindy’s getting married. I still think of her as that little kid who was always pestering us.”
    “Hubert, would you excuse me for a little bit?” I said. “I need to make a phone call.”

CHAPTER TEN
     
    I brought the cordless phone upstairs with me and threw myself back onto my bed, the way I used to when I was a teenager. It was the closest thing to pole vaulting I’d ever done. During my high school years, my mom, hearing the frame bang against the wall, would shout up the stairs, “Whatever you’re doing, stop it. It sounds like the ceiling’s going to cave in.” But Mom wasn’t here to yell at me now. It was my house, and I could wreck it if I wanted to.
    I dialed Piper’s cell, but only got voice mail. Drat. I was hoping to avoid calling her home phone. Mike usually answered, which was always a problem for me. But I had no choice. I called the landline and braced myself when Mike picked up after the second ring. “Hey, Lola, how are you?”
    I hate it when people check caller ID and answer using my name. It seems both intrusive and know-it-all-ish at the same time. I was tempted to hang up and call back from someone else’s house just to throw him off. Instead I answered, “Great, Mike. And yourself?”
    “Never better. Work’s keeping me busy, Brandon’s growing by leaps and bounds, and my lovely wife gets more beautiful every day.” Mike had a salesman’s enthusiasm for everything. I’d been hearing that line about Piper getting more beautiful ever since they’d started dating. Once Hubert and I had a lengthy debate about the plausibility of that statement. I thought it was ridiculous—Piper was exceptionally pretty, but come on, no one was infinitely beautiful. Clearly it was just