Free The Beautiful Visit by Elizabeth Jane Howard Page B

grey hands, leaving the soap with black cracks, and a high-water mark all
round the basin which Elspeth cleaned with the nail brush in silent indignation. Elspeth was a very particular child.
    At tea they ate an enormous amount; the girl spilt her milk; and the boys had an argument. Lucy’s mother was admirable. After the opening courtesies, she took no further notice, and even
told one of them to leave a chocolate biscuit for his brother. When we left the table, the floor was thick with crumbs round their places.
    ‘Still, it was a nice rest for their poor mother,’ said our charitable hostess. She asked me whether I had written to my mother. ‘Don’t you think it would be a good
idea?’ she said. I felt myself blushing, and she showed me to a desk with pens and ink in silver stands, and pale grey paper with the address upon it in white.
    ‘Dearest Mother . . .’ What could I tell her? She had hoped I would have a good time. How far her hopes were excelled already! Strangely, my happiness made her further removed; it
was harder to write than I had thought possible.
    ‘I am arrived here quite safely. Everyone is very kind, and Mrs Lancing sends you her love. It is very cold. This morning I went picking holly for the church with a girl called Elspeth.
Last night we played games and this afternoon the vicarage children came to tea.’
    I thought a bit and then added, ‘There is going to be a dance so I shall wear my frock, so thank you for buying it for me. I am having a lovely time. Your affectionate daughter.’
    That night I had a very real and frightening dream. I was dancing in my pink frock, dancing quite safely with Elspeth. At the end of a passage stood Michael; much taller than he really was, with
his arms out like a tree. The nearer I danced to him the larger he was and the further away he seemed. Then I noticed Rupert whom I had never seen, on a hill. I was so frightened of Michael that I
picked up my skirts and ran cold and breathless nearer and nearer to Rupert, until I was quite up to him; and then I was in a wood, with no light to be seen, groping and stumbling in the dark, with
Michael’s laugh outside. I felt that the whole wood was Rupert, although I could not find him. The branches clung to me like arms and the leaves smothered me like a face, but I still called
desperately for Rupert, pushing him away in my struggle. I must move on, get somewhere, but I did not know where I was going. When I woke, my heart was pounding in the silent room, and perspiration
streamed down between my breasts. I lay stiff and still until the blackness of the window softened to a deep grey, bringing with it a faint sense of relief. I was freezing cold. I unplaited my
hair, pulled it round my shoulder for warmth, and slept.
    Christmas began to make itself felt. There was a tremendous expedition to the nearest town for the purpose of buying presents. Lucy’s mother became the source of all secrets, all desires
and inventions were exposed to her, and she sat giving gentle practical advice, smiling at everything, laughing at no one, keeping all secrets equally well. I accompanied Deb on the expedition. She
spent nearly all her money on a watch chain for her Roland, and we packed and dispatched it together. That accomplished, she seemed to have no further interest in either her plans or mine; buying
all her presents with careless speed, and giving me perfunctory advice in my schemes. She did not play games like the rest of them, and I found her more difficult. Occasionally, she collected me
for some confidence or other, but she neither expected nor desired any return on my part.
    Gerald tested the ice every day with growing confidence. I had one fateful riding lesson with Lucy and Parker. It was all right while the pony walked, but when it was clicked and encouraged to
trot, I bit my tongue and lost a stirrup. Nothing was said about the venture, but it was mutually agreed that one could not learn to ride in