Free Paranoiac by Attikus Absconder Page A

couldn’t handle the rocks, the laughter or the mocking.
Getting to my feet, I had my eyes fused shut and my hands to my
ears. I started to scream, needing to block it all out. It was as
if a great pressure exploded from within. The walls were crashing
down and all I could do was yell and shout in response. Soon I
turned around and kicked the door open. I bellowed at the stranger,
“What do you want?!”

Journal Entry Fourteen
    My head
throbbed in unison with my heart as I opened my eyes. The water in
the pool was calm and the garden was eerily silent. No one was in
sight. I screamed out again, “Where are you? You swine!” Looking
around the pool, I kicked angrily at the rocks and gravel that
peppered the patio, almost falling in the process. Water was still
dripping from the plants and trees, everything was peaceful yet I
couldn’t stand it. Stomping through the garden I furiously tore out
the plants and pushed over the Grecian statues. I lost my temper
just like when I trashed that room and smashed into Molly’s car. I
couldn’t believe that bastard got away. In my rampage, I tried to
pull a bush from the garden then slipped on the wet, dewy
grass.
    I sprawled out
on my back in defeat, wanting to cry. In my frustration, I even
wanted to break every window in the house then burn it all down. I
couldn’t handle any more of his games. I wanted to give up on this
feverish hunt. I just wanted to go home. The sky was an overcast
grey and a chilling mist was in the air. Too bad it wouldn’t last
long. The oncoming storm would only add to the repugnant, southern
humidity. I closed my eyes and felt hot tears well up behind my
eyelids. I fought them back, digging my hands into the cool, wet
grass, taking pleasure in the pressure that pressed into the beds
of my fingernails. I was finished and emotionally raw.
    I couldn’t go
on. I’m done with Molly, with this journal and with this stupid
scavenger hunt. There was no spectacular answer to how I got here,
I knew that. I just wanted my life to be more interesting. Tired of
my lonely alcoholic life, I wanted things to be more fantastical.
Was that so terrible to want? To need? I knew I was a rich spoiled
brat. Sure, I was abused, sure I ran away only to lose my dying
mother, but there are others in this life who have had it
infinitely worse. I never went hungry. I had a great education and
even though I was estranged from my father, I still had very loving
friends.
    The story
behind this hellish nightmare probably came from a drunken party. I
most likely invited a few of my close friends to this old vacation
home, got shit-faced and then pissed somebody off so badly that
they decided to get a little revenge. Maybe I had slept with his
girlfriend or made fun of his shabby clothes and boring words. I
was a terrible person with a shitty past and spoiled childhood. I
was just another cliché.
    Sitting on the
lawn, speckles of cool rain continued to spatter on my face. My
journal was digging into my back and I hated myself to no end. Even
as I lay there with my eyes closed and my will extinguished, I
could feel my addiction scratching behind the wall. I refused to
give in. I promised I was done. Yet still I wanted to drown the
sorrows away until I slipped into insanity though I was probably
halfway there.
    Then I heard footsteps in the grass. I kept my eyes closed,
not wanting to see who it was. The footsteps got closer and closer
and closer. My body became rigid. My heart thumped in my chest. I
kept inwardly repeating, chanting Mollys' name, though each time
another flash of her beautiful face sparked in my mind. Closer and closer and
closer . I dug my
fingers deeper into the dirt as the tears were burning at my
eyelids again. Closer and closer and closer . I was shaking my head back and forth repeating her
name compulsively. My body was cramping from its tenseness. Closer and closer and
closer. I couldn’t
take this anymore. My heart was going to explode. I just wanted him
to