Free Roll Against Regret (3d20) by Allyson Lindt Page B

thing left was dry eyes and an empty hole in my chest, trying to figure out what I was supposed to do next.
     

Chapter Fourteen
    I wasn’t sure how long I sat there, staring into nothing. I’d intentionally avoided the clock and stashed my phone out of reach, because I wanted to feel the blankness and live in it. A bit of me knew it was melodramatic, but that was fine with me.
    Someone knocked. I didn’t have the energy to answer. Missionaries, probably. Or a lost pizza guy. They’d get the hint. Seconds later, the latch snicked open, and Jackson walked in. Maybe I should have locked that.
    He stopped next to my chair, nothing but concern in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Pixie. What can I do?”
    Instinct told me to fall into his arms. To lose myself in the comfort, the way we always did with each other. It wouldn’t help, though. Hugs couldn’t fix this. “Nothing. There’s nothing to do.”
    “I took the rest of the day off.” He sounded so kind. So sympathetic. “We’ll go wherever you want, even if it’s just here.”
    No. I didn’t want here to be a place I was comforted. This wasn’t ours. Something snapped inside me. Days and months of holding back. Being diplomatic. Trying to figure out which way was up, and how to right a series of mistakes that weren’t meant to hurt anyone. At work and in my personal life. It was all a mess, and every time I tried to make things right, I made them worse. So maybe the answer was to stop trying so hard. “I want for this to not have happened. I want Kitner to rot in hell for setting me up.”
    Jackson rested a hand on my shoulder. “That’s fair. Since it’s not an option though, what do you want to do instead?”
    Irrational irritation flooded me. He was working to help me. To calm me down. It was kind and thoughtful, and so very Jackson. And I didn’t want to be reasonable. “Fuck it all, Jackson. What I want is for you to be furious alongside me. I need to rage over this. To vent and scream and hate the world. I don’t want you to wrap me up and tell me it’ll be okay, because right now it’s not okay, and I can’t see past now. I want you to get angry. To lose your cool. To tell me what you’re actually thinking, instead of glossing over this in that fucking calm voice of yours.”
    I should take back the last few words. Even if he hadn’t cringed, I’d know that. But the words were out there, and I didn’t know if I wanted to cover them up again.
    Jackson stepped back. “I’m sorry if I offended you.”
    The sterile apology. The patronizing calm. It snapped something inside. “Stop being fucking sorry. Sorry won’t fix this. Sorry isn’t vengeance. Hate my boss for setting me up, hate a system that trusts computers that can be tricked over people who know their jobs. Hate me for not getting over Carter. Be pissed about something.”
    “I’ll come back later. Once you’ve chilled out.” Jackson spoke through clenched teeth.
    “Fine. Do that.” I was being cruel. I was being completely unreasonable. Part of me knew I needed to back up now, or things would break and change forever, but it wasn’t enough to stop me.
    Jackson shook his head, spun on his toe, and stalked toward the door. He paused, hand on the knob, and whirled back to face me. Fire danced in his eyes—a fury I’d never seen from him before. “You know what? I am mad. Pissed off as hell. You want rage? You want me to stop trying to paint sunshine on things? This thing at work isn’t your fault. You tried. This firing you thing? You got shafted. But I hate what you have with Carter. I’m tired of pretending it doesn’t bother me.”
    Of course he’d latch on to what I said about Carter. That was the perfect way to fuck things up completely. My laugh was bitter. “Thanks for your support.”
    “You wanted to make this personal. You wanted a verbal punching bag, and I’m here for you when you need a shoulder, but I didn’t sign on for what you’re doing now. So