Free A Kestrel Rising by S A Laybourn Page A

is always right about these things.” She tucked her legs underneath her and continued, her eyes distant. “I was engaged during the last war. He was a wonderful man, handsome, charming, and clever. He was like no man I had ever met. We fell in love in the summer before the War. It was a glorious summer. Every day was like a pearl on a string, equally special, regardless of how we spent the time. When war broke out, Richard rejoined his regiment. He didn’t have to. He’d long since served his time, but he was a soldier to the bone and just refused to stay at home.”
    She paused and gazed past Ilona to the open window and the drifting curtains. “I was so upset when he told me, but I let him go. He went away to Aldershot and I managed to spend one very memorable day with him.” She smiled and her cheeks colored. “One day, but it was worth it, Ilke. It was so very worth it. I only saw him one more time, when he came back home for that first Christmas. It was only twenty-four hours, but he asked me to marry him on Christmas morning and made it the best Christmas that I’d ever had. A few months later, he was sent to France and became completely caught up in the War. He wrote letters and he sent me gifts. He remembered Christmas and he always told me that he loved me, but he never came home. He was killed by a shell.”
    She fell silent and Ilona was surprised to see her mother’s eyes damp with tears.
    “I remember that afternoon so well. There was a storm coming. The air was heavy with it and the telegram from your Uncle Connor arrived. It was so awful to see those stark black words. It seemed so final and so brutal. I just fell to pieces. I just remember feeling like my world had collapsed around me, like there was nothing left but darkness and heartbreak. I didn’t think that I would ever feel the same again. Just like you feel.” She unfolded her leg and squeezed Ilona’s hand. “It does get better, darling. I know it doesn’t feel like it now.”
    Ilona tried to imagine how it must have been for her, and she knew and she understood. “Will I ever get over this, Mama?”
    “No, darling, I won’t lie to you. You won’t. Ian was special to you. He was your first love and he was everything to you. You’ll learn to live with it and, perhaps in time, you will fall in love again.”
    “No. That won’t happen, not again.”
    Her mother shook her head and smiled. “That was me speaking all those years ago, before I met your father. I never thought that I would love anyone as much as I loved Richard, but there are different types of love, Ilke. None will ever be as precious as the first and no one will ever replace Ian. Believe me, I love your father. There will never be another man like him and he came along at a time when I least expected to find love again. He came out of a snowstorm, like an angel, and I was lost.” She rose and kissed her cheek. “You take your time, my darling. You can get up and get dressed or you can stay here. It’s entirely your choice. I understand that you need time, but don’t shut yourself away for long.”
    “Don’t worry, Mama. I won’t.” She leaned back against the pillows. “I just need a bit more time to myself.”
    “I understand.” She smiled and slipped out of the room, closing the door behind her.
    Ilona pulled the covers up to her chin. She knew her mother meant well by telling her story, but it didn’t make her feel better. She was still one, huge ache. There was nothing of Ian in the house, only in her memories and they were creeping back again. They stole around her like smoke. She heard his voice in her ear and felt his fingers trail along the nape of her neck. She was not quite ready to let go and, although she realized that he would not want her to be sad, she curled up on her side and wept.
     
    * * * *
     
    “I need a walk,” she told her mother as she buttoned her cardigan. It was a dreadful day—the long, bright summery days of the previous