against my face. My legs are sore from the too-fast pace. My headache is starting to come back as well. I don’t want to go inside to the emptiness, but the outside is oozing with loneliness as well. It seems to mock my suffering heart. I’ve lived here most of my life. It’s my home. And she has tainted it. Not just once, but again and again, over and over. I swallow hard against the fresh wave of sobs. Once again she hadn’t said good-bye. And this one was the most important good-bye of all, because she was never coming back.
I sit on the couch, hunched in a ball, wrapped in a blanket of self-pity. Who said they hated self-pity? a voice in my head snaps. I blink a few times; I give myself a mental slap. Twenty minutes is more than enough time to wallow.
I take a deep breath and try to sort out my thoughts. I decide to list the bad things: Mom has left for good with Dad, Lexi has told Ryan a lie. That needs to be straightened out immediately. Maybe things aren’t so bad—minus Dad being gone. I was basically already living my life without Mom. I can make the money she gave me and what I’ve saved last until I start my summer job at Twisted Ribbons: Candy & Ice Cream Parlor.
I sigh, feeling some of the burden dissipate. I could fix one of those bad things.
The initial shock has worn off, leaving an empty space behind. Realizing Dad was gone had freaked me out most. Maybe once I’ve pulled myself together more I can call her and ask where Dad is. If she won’t tell me then I’ll track him down. If he’s in a good place then maybe I’ll find somewhere for myself close by. Mom had been right about one thing: it was time to move on, for things to change. I had been planning on leaving anyway, maybe not this way but plans change. I’ll just have to make a new plan. I can do that.
Chapter 7
School has been over for three days. Long days. I skipped graduation, preferring to burrow myself under the covers instead. The house is depressingly empty in the mornings and eerily quiet at night. I have a large, black stuffed-dog named Shadow. I hug her tightly at night. I don’t care if it's childish; I just need something concrete; I’ve never wanted a hug or to be held so badly.
I mostly keep to myself unless I’m with Fawn. But ever since school let out Fawn’s dad has kept her busy being the store’s cashier—and so has someone else. I’m guessing it’s a boy, but I haven’t run across him. I tuck myself away behind the library’s computer a lot of the time, searching for ways I can track down Dad. However, I’m mainly trying to avoid Darklily stalking me. I feel bad for evading her, but my aching heart demands my undivided attention.
Ryan still won’t meet my eyes, and when he thinks I’m not looking he’ll disappear. I need to approach him and find out what’s wrong, but every time I take a step in his direction my brain freezes. I have no idea what to say.
But I want this over with; I don’t care if Ryan never speaks to me again. I just need to clarify whatever Lexi told him, because Ryan deserves the truth. If he’ll believe it. So I corner him in the cereal aisle of our grocery store . Ryan nearly jumps out of his skin when I approach him. I find it hard not to laugh at his shock.
“We need to talk.”
“Yes we do,” he says, relieved. “Let me just pay.” Ryan pays for his items then follows me to where I lead him, a bench in the park.
“I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you. Lexi told me about something you did a few years ago . . . and I just don’t know if I want a friend like that,” he rushes out, fiddling with his grocery bag.
I look ahead of us and watch a lady wearing a long, flowing purple dress struggle with her St. Bernard as it pulls her forward.
“Did she tell you I copied all the pages of personal things I’d written that people had told me, then distributed them all over school?”
“Something like that.” Ryan looks at me for a second then looks