Free Closer by Maxine Linnell Page A

Mum wants me back early. See you.” 
    I feel his eyes on my back as I walk away. I seem to be making a habit of walking out on the people I like best. But I don’t look back.

Chloe and me texting 
    I don’t want to go in the house. So I’m on the corner sitting on the petrol station wall inhaling exhaust fumes from Welford Road. If I had some money I’d buy something from the shop, but I don’t. 
    M. What u doing? 
    C. Not mch. Playng with the kittens. Wtchng crap tv. U? 
    M. Wreckng my life. Raj is going away. I just walked away frm him. 
    C. No! He can’t do that! Who shall we lust after if he goes? 
    M. This is serious! He’s the only good thng happening. 
    C. What is going on with u? Something’s up. I know u. 
    Nobody’s supposed to notice. I wait for a minute, looking at the phone. Wondering what to say. I’d love to pour it all out to her – Hannah, Dad, Mum. Being sad. Being angry. 
    Being scared. Feeling like it’s all too much. 
    â€œNothing, nothing’s up.” 
    Nothing at all. 
    I flip back my mobile, put my hands in my pockets and walk slowly home. 
    I never want to get there. 
    But of course, I do. 
    And I go in. 
    And it’s all still there, waiting for me. 
    A text comes through. 
    Remember, I’m here for you. We’re best mates. 
    Yeah. 
    Right. 
    I wish it was that simple. 
    I head past the living room and up into my room.

Dad 
    Only ten o’clock, but what’s to stay up for? They’re all down there pigging out in front of the stupid-box. Except for Hannah, who went off hours ago to work on her project. I’ve never known what her project is. Probably private eating. 
    I need time to think about everything. Hannah for a start. How can you live with someone all your life and not know them? I only read one page in her journal and it’s changed everything. And those marks on her arm. Deb Thornley at school does that, cuts herself. Once I saw her bleeding all over the classroom floor and Mrs Sharman came and took her out to the rest room. She held onto Deb’s arm like she was something she’d found in the rubbish bin. 
    I go into the bathroom and brush my teeth. I look at myself in the mirror like I’m somebody else, someone I don’t know. I splash my face with water and dry it. I go in my room, switch on the light, pull the curtains closed, put on my bedside light, and switch off the main light. I take off my clothes and leave them on the chair for tomorrow. I find my pyjamas under the pillow and pull them on. I get into bed, and it’s okay. I’m lying here, curled up. I try to think, but the thoughts are sliding away into some place out of reach. It’s warm, that sleepy warm, and the duvet’s pulled all round me, right up to my ears. I get the drifty feeling and I want to feel like this always, safe. 
    And there’s somebody on the landing and I’m stiff, awake, working out who it is. Hannah, George, Mum? The footsteps stop outside my door and I don’t breathe. 
    â€œYou all right, hon?” Dad. He taps on the door. As if he’d bother waiting to be asked in. 
    â€œFine, g’night,” I mumble. My voice comes out funny. 
    The door handle moves. I can see it from where I’m lying, under the window. As the door opens I shut my eyes so I’ll look asleep, and concentrate on breathing. 
    I hear him close the door, careful, quiet. I hear him come across to my bed, and I’m frozen. I hear him breathing, loud. I can’t move, I can’t think. He’s standing in front of me, I can smell him: lager, chips, man smell. I used to love that smell. 
    â€œYou’re not asleep, are you sweetheart?” His