Free Losing My Balance (Fenbrook Academy #1.5) by Helena Newbury Page A

at a loss.
    “I gotta go out of town,” he told me in that heavy, bass rumble. “Be back a week next Tuesday. Okay?”
    I nodded. And mentally counted the days.
    He straightened up and ran his hand along Bartholomew’s shining roof as I drove away, giving his trunk a noisy pat as we passed, as if slapping my ass. I felt myself jerk in my seat and heard him laugh.

 
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Chapter 9
     
    Clarissa
     
    It was Thursday. Nat and I were both moping around the apartment while our men were away—well, she was moping. Obviously I’d never mope. I mean, I was spending a lot of time slobbing around in sweatpants and both ice cream and the orange Skittle-flavored vodka had made an appearance, but I’d only joined in out of solidarity. It would be crazy to miss someone who’s just a casual sex partner.
    I sat there staring at his Facebook page. He’d finally accepted my friend request, but it looked like he barely bothered to update his timeline. There were gaps of weeks and sometimes months between posts.
    Since we’d said goodbye at the biker club, there’d been no word. Not an email, not a text, not a phone call—I didn’t even know where he was, other than “out of town.” At least Nat had had a couple of text messages from Darrell. I felt a pang of jealousy, which was ridiculous. I mean, she was in a proper relationship. Maybe— definitely— she was falling in love too fast, but at least it was love. Neil and me, that was…almost like a business transaction.
    I felt my eyes go wide at that thought. No! Definitely not like a business transaction. Bad analogy! But there were no emotions involved. It was just sex—two people with needs coming together to have fun.
    I sat back on my bed and hugged my knees to my chest. Have fun really didn’t describe it. Nothing about the relationship felt light-hearted or frivolous. It felt powerful and very, very serious.
    I’d never experienced anything like it. I’d never known sex to be such a powerful draw, to control me utterly. And it was just sex, right? That was what I was feeling? It couldn’t be love, because I barely knew the guy. Yet it didn’t feel like simple lust, either—it felt deeper and darker and more… part of me, in some way. People talk about finding a soulmate, when they talk about love. I’d never experienced that…and this couldn’t be that, could it? Not when it was so based in sex? And yet it felt like that—like the two of us were made for each other.
    I groaned, put my hands over my eyes and fell back on the bed.
    Nat shuffled past my doorway. I didn’t have to open my eyes—one of the nice things about just the two of us sharing an apartment (even if she does take far too long in the shower) is always knowing who it is you can hear around the place. “Hear from Darrell yet?” I asked.
    When she answered, her voice was brittle with pain. “No. Not yet. I might just hang out in my room for a while.”
    I liked Darrell, but right then I wanted to throttle the guy. He didn’t know how fragile she was—the last thing she needed was to have her heart played with. This sort of thing was exactly what I’d worried about happening when I saw her falling for him so hard. I knew that hang out in my room was code for punish myself on the exercise bike. Soon, I’d hear the pedals start to whir and then, maybe, some loud music to cover the sound of her crying. It broke my heart, but it was better than her cutting herself and there was nothing I could do to stop her—I’d learned that clutching her too close would only freak her out more. I’d accepted—once I’d got over the guilt and recriminations that it had been going on right under my nose—that all I could do was be there for support. When she’d gone, I got up and closed my bedroom door to give her some extra privacy, then returned to mope. Okay, okay, I was moping.
    A few minutes later, I heard her cell phone ring and then her voice.