which tells me there might be more there than just sex,” I answered honestly. I’d never been upset like she was when any of my short-term partners ended things.
“I don’t do more,” she said flatly. “I don’t do the whole lovey-dovey bullshit and you know that.”
“But, why? Have you ever?” She pinned me with an expression that told me I’d overstepped the line. I’d known asking was a crapshoot. She’d either talk or she wouldn’t, and right now, it seemed the answer was no. “Look, I don’t blame you. I don’t do love either but, honestly, as upset as you are, it seems more like a break-up than just calling off an arrangement for sex. You really should at least think about what you’re feeling.”
“Thank you, Doctor Phil,” she said, irritation still clear in her tone. “I’ll keep that in mind.” She stood, snatching the mug off coffee table. “By the way, there’s Rum in this tea, if you needed more proof that I’m not pregnant.”
I laughed and shook my head, causing her to smirk as she headed out of the room.
It was an odd feeling sitting at a bar and not looking to get laid. That wasn’t why I was here. I’d gone home after my shift tonight, thinking it wouldn’t matter that it was Christmas Eve and I didn’t get to tuck Conner in. It had only taken an hour for me to realize how wrong I was. It did matter. It was killing me. I was picking him up after my shift tomorrow but I wouldn’t get to see his face when he woke up to see his presents from Santa.
I’d missed Christmas morning before. Unfortunately, that was just a side effect of working in an industry that never stopped, but this was different. For starters, he was getting to that age where he understood Christmas. Last year, I’d been lucky. I’d drawn an afternoon shift on Christmas so I could be with him in the morning; this year, I was early. Before, we could hold off on gifts until I got home, but now, even if I were there with him tonight, I’d miss his face in the morning.
Even worse was that I was still a sucker. I’d sent some of my bigger gifts to Lizzie’s house so he could have them from Santa. It wasn’t that I wanted the recognition, but I wouldn’t even get to see his reaction. Next year. Next year, he would be with me Christmas morning and I’d do everything I could to make sure I was there. We would have a blast. But then, the following year, I’d go through this again.
I wasn’t sure if there was an emptier feeling in the world than not being with your child on Christmas morning. Except, perhaps, the determination it takes to make it through the night without caving like I did last year. It wasn’t like Lizzie didn’t offer, but the last few times Adam and I ran into each other, he’d been antagonistic. The huge fight Lizzie and I had a few weeks ago stemmed from Adam’s most recent threat to have my parental rights removed. I’m not sure if he could, but just the threat is enough to make me back down.
“Hey.” A bar towel landed on top of my crossed arms and I glanced up at Nikki. “Why so glum?”
“Just missing my son and feeling sorry for myself,” I said, shaking my head and forcing a smile as I tossed the towel back at her.
“Well, stop. You’re being a real party-pooper. It’s a distraction from all the poor saps that are here getting drunk like creepers on Christmas Eve.”
I glanced down at the half-empty glass in front of me, having lost count of how many times it had been refilled throughout the evening. “Creepers, huh?”
“Yeah. Creepers.” She started making another drink as she spoke. “You know, everyone thinks they’ve got it bad around the holidays. I mean, people do it all year round, but especially around the holidays. Divorces, deaths, losing your job, or your house — no matter what it is, people always think their life sucks. That’s not really the outlook you’re supposed to have.”
“It’s not?” I asked, chuckling as she scowled at my