Free Coal Black Blues by Lee Ann Sontheimer Murphy Page B

right. You did fine. And I’m sorry, sorry it happened and sorry you had to see me like this.”
    “Don’t apologize. You shouldn’t have to, Neil. What happened? Are you okay?”
    He still trembled a little, she noticed, mostly his hands once he had removed them from the wheel. “Damn PTSD,” he said. “I will be. I just need some time. When it hits me like that, it’s intense.”
    “I noticed.”
    Caroline also saw the flames had been extinguished. Whatever had happened, the crisis had ended. Two ambulances departed, one with siren echoing from the hills, the other silent. Tow trucks came onto the scene and it appeared it wouldn’t be long until the road cleared for traffic. Until then, they were stuck in place. She reached for his hand and held it tight. He squeezed her fingers and she relaxed. He was almost back, she thought, thank God.
    “Do you want to tell me about it?” she asked
    His hard sigh sounded very loud inside the car. “No, not really. Are you angry?”
    “No, why would I be? I was worried.”
    Neil’s face softened. “I appreciate that, honey, I do, but you don’t have to fret about me.”
    “I do, though,” she said. “Old habits can be hard to break.”
    “Suppose so,” he replied. “I would’ve thought you might have gotten out of practice, though, all those years.”
    Did she tell him the truth or lie? Caroline chose truth. “I often wondered about you, Neil, where you were, what you were doing, how you were. I thought about you more often than a married lady probably should have. Sometimes a song would remind me of you or I’d see someone with dark, curly hair from behind. I’d walk closer and it was never you, Neil, but I wanted it to be.”
    He snorted, but she couldn’t tell if it was with amusement or disdain. “I don’t imagine Dylan would have been too happy if it had been.”
    “Fuck Dylan.” Saying it aloud was a first, but she meant the sentiment.
    This time, Neil gave an audible laugh, but she noticed how pale he appeared and that his hands still trembled, a little. “Yeah,” he said, in agreement.
    They shared laughter as traffic began to move at a slow crawl.
    “Would you rather I drive?” Caroline asked.
    Neil nodded. “Yeah, I think you’d better.”
    They traded places, and by the time they became situated, one lane opened for traffic and she eased into the queue. The rank stench of burning gasoline filled her nose, even within the closed car, and she shuddered. Caroline refused to look as they passed the accident scene but Neil rolled down the passenger window and hollered at one of the tow-truck drivers.
    “Hey, Joe, anybody killed?”
    “Naw,” the truck driver called back. “They were lucky sonsabitchs. Both of them walked away, but their vehicles are totaled. Can’t even tow them. Gonna have to haul them both. You doing all right?”
    Although the question was no more than polite talk, Caroline noticed Neil responded with honesty. “I’ve been better,” he said. “But it’s gonna be all right.”
    “Good deal.” And with that he waved them forward.
    On the way home, Neil remained so silent that Caroline thought certain he must have fallen asleep, but when she glanced his way, he returned the look, wide awake. At the old house, he helped her carry the purchases into the house, but once the groceries were on the kitchen table and counter, he sank into the old recliner with a sigh.
    As she put perishables into freezer and fridge and stacked dry goods on the cupboard shelves, Caroline kept a close eye on Neil. When he kicked the chair back, eyes shut, and rubbed his temples with his fingers, she figured he had a headache.
    Without asking, she put on the tea kettle and brewed a pot of Irish breakfast tea. She let it steep and then asked him, “Do you want something for your head?”
    Neil opened one eye. “How’d you know I had a headache?”
    “I could tell. I’ve got aspirin or ibuprofen.”
    “Ibuprofen will do.”
    She brought