Free Celebrity Chekhov by Ben Greenman Page A

down all the rooms, and then sat down again.
    â€œWhat has happened? Tell us sensibly!”
    â€œYou live like wild beasts, you don’t watch very much television and take no notice of what’s online, and there’s so much that is interesting there. If anything happens it’s all known at once, nothing is hidden! How happy I am! Oh, Lord! You know it’s only celebrated people whose names are published online, and now they have gone and published mine!”
    â€œWhat do you mean? Where?”
    Kim’s stepfather, Bruce Jenner, turned pale. Her mother crossed herself. Brody looked at her and then looked back into the hand mirror.
    â€œYes! My name has been published! Now all the world knows of me! Bookmark that page and print it out in memory! We will read it sometimes! Look!”
    Kim went to the computer, tapped a series of keys, and then pointed to a paragraph on the screen.
    â€œRead it!” she said to Bruce Jenner.
    He put on his glasses.
    â€œRead it!”
    Kim’s mother crossed herself again. Bruce Jenner cleared his throat and began to read: “ ‘We will all be hearing more of Kim Kardashian soon . . .’ ”
    â€œYou see, you see! Go on!”
    â€œ ‘. . . since an intimate video starring Kardashian and her ex-boyfriend has been confirmed . . .’ ”
    â€œThat’s me and Ray J . . . it’s all described exactly! Go on! Listen!”
    â€œ ‘. . . and will be released later this month. The tape, which Vivid reportedly acquired for one million dollars, includes more than thirty minutes of explicit sexual activity . . .’ ”
    â€œGo on! Read the rest!”
    â€œ ‘It was filmed a few years ago, when Kardashian and her boyfriend, an R&B singer named Ray J . . .’ ”
    â€œI told you. Ray J! But keep reading. There’s more about me.”
    â€œ ‘Initially, Kardashian tried to block the release of the tape, but at length came to an agreement with the distribution company.’ ”
    â€œThat’s right. I’m being distributed. You have read it now? Good! So you see. It’s all over the Internet, which means it’s all over the world! Give it here!”
    Kim closed the window and turned away from the computer.
    â€œI have to go around the neighborhood and show this to a bunch of other people . . . the Gastineaus . . . the Hiltons. . . . Must run! Good-bye!”
    Kim put on her hat and, joyful and triumphant, ran into the street.

Chapter 12
At the Barber’s
    I T IS NOT YET SEVEN O’CLOCK, BUT THE BARBERSHOP IS ALREADY open. The barber himself, an unwashed, greasy youth of twenty-three, is busy clearing up; there is really nothing to be cleared away, but he is perspiring with his exertions. In one place he polishes with a rag, in another he scrapes with his finger or catches a bug and brushes it off the wall.
    The barber’s shop is small, narrow, and unclean. The walls are hung with faded paper decorated with cowboy hats and tin stars. Between the two dingy, perspiring windows there is a thin, creaking, rickety door, and above it a bell that trembles and gives a sickly ring of itself without provocation. Glance into the mirror that hangs on one of the walls, and it distorts your face in all directions in the most merciless way! The shaving and haircutting is done before this mirror. On the little table, as greasy and unwashed as the barber himself, there is everything: combs, scissors, razors, wax for the moustache, powder, watered-down cologne. The whole shop is not worth more than five hundred dollars.
    There is a squeaking sound from the bell and an older man in a tanned sheepskin coat and high felt overboots walks into the shop. His head and neck are wrapped in a black scarf.
    This is Billy Ray Cyrus, who patronizes the shop as a result of his friendship with the barber’s father.
    â€œGood morning,