Free Made in Heaven by Adale Geras Page A

you’re right too. Now that I’ve met your wife, it’s hard to get certain pictures out of my mind. I know what you mean, Gray. But I can’t bear any of it any longer. All of it. And it’s worse now, because of Zannah and Adrian. I had no idea Adrian Whittaker was anything to do with you. Zannah didn’t mention that the surnames were different, though she did say his father was really a stepfather. I should have asked more questions, I suppose.’
    â€˜He’s my stepson and I adopted him, but he chose his own father’s surname when he was a teenager.’
    â€˜It doesn’t matter. I’ve decided. We must stop everything. Now. At once.’
    Gray nearly dropped the phone. ‘What d’you mean?’
    â€˜Exactly what I’m saying. Nothing between us any longer. No emails, no letters, no poems. Nothing.’
    â€˜I can’t do that, Lydia. I’d … I wouldn’t be able to.’
    â€˜It won’t be easy for me either, but I’ve promised. I told Bob that we’d only meet as Zannah and Adrian’s parents in future. I’m not going to break my word.’
    Gray closed his eyes. He spoke as reasonably as he could, although he was on the point of tears. He didn’t cry often and when he did, he regarded it as a kind of failure. He said, ‘And the promises you made to me? Don’t they mean anything to you?’
    The silence at the other end went on for so long that Gray checked the reception. It was fine. He said, ‘Lydia, are you still there?’
    â€˜Please call me Joss. Lydia’s just a pseudonym.’
    â€˜It’s
not
just a fucking pseudonym!’ He was shouting now. If he managed to hold back tears, this was what often happened: an explosion of frustration and rage. ‘It’s my name for you. You were Lydia when I met you and that’s what you’ve been ever since. God, I don’t know what’s wrong with you. It’s as if it all meant nothing. You’re ready to give everything up. Everything we have … ’
    â€˜What do we have, Gray, when you come down to it? Nothing. Words on a screen or on a page. Nothing real.’
    â€˜It is to me! It’s real to me!’ Even though he was shouting, the tears were now dangerously close. ‘And it used to be real to you. Don’t pretend it wasn’t. What’s your husband done to you? Has he threatened you? Tell me.’
    â€˜No, Gray. Nothing like that. But I can’t leave him and I can’t jeopardize my daughter’s marriage to your son.’
    â€˜Stepson.’
    â€˜You know what I mean. I’m not going to say a word to the girls. I don’t see that it’s any of their business. I’ve got to return to normal and I can’t do that if you’re still part of my life. That’s it, Gray. I’ve made up my mind.’
    â€˜Please, Lydia. Please meet me just once. I have to see you again. I won’t be responsible for what I do if you refuse me … ’
    â€˜Are you saying you’ll tell Adrian about us? That’s not worthy of you, Gray. I can’t believe you’d do something like that.’
    â€˜I’m sorry. But please … don’t you have to come to London for something? Please.’
    â€˜I do have to see my editor, that’s true. I could arrange something.’
    â€˜Thank God. Next week, Lydia. I hate feeling like this. Next week?’
    â€˜Okay. Okay.’ He could hear her sighing. ‘I’ll tell Bob I have to see Mal and that I want to chat to Zannah about arrangements. We did rather cut that short yesterday. Yesterday … God, it feels like a lifetime ago.’
    â€˜I don’t care about anything, now you’ve agreed to see me. Walking on air. Email me, Lydia. Let me know which day. I’ve got to square it with work. I can’t wait … I can’t wait to see you.’
    â€˜I haven’t