Free Music From Standing Waves by Johanna Craven Page A

wouldn’t
understand,” I opened my mouth to say, then stopped. Andrew was the only person that would understand. He had been forced to
make the same decision I was facing. A life as a performer or a
life with Hayley. And hadn’t he found everything he wanted right
here in Acacia Beach, away from the Conservatorium and the concert
halls? Had he agonised over the decision, I wondered, or did he
just know ? Why didn’t I just know?
    “Am I doing the right thing?” I asked.
“Making this my life?”
    He smiled sympathetically. “You know I can’t
answer that for you, Abs. That has to be your decision.”
    I huffed. My decision, but I needed someone
to help me make it. Needed some assurance that I wasn’t heading
blindly into chaos. I dropped my violin into its case.
    “Where’s Hayley?”
     
    Hayley was no more willing to help me than
Andrew was.
    “You’re way too young to think about things
like that,” she said. “Just enjoy yourself.” She gave me a cuddle
and sent me on my way, no doubt happy I’d freed up her husband for
the evening.
    I took my violin home, then stood for what
seemed forever outside Justin’s front gate. I sucked in my courage
and knocked on the door. I was asking a lot of Justin. Asking him
to compete with the love of my life. Asking him to steal me away
from it. Footsteps echoed down the hallway. Was Hayley right? Could
I just enjoy myself with Justin and push my looming decision to the
back of my mind? Or was I dragging us both into a relationship with
an expiry date?
    I turned and sprinted away from his house.
The front gate clicked open. I heard him calling after me, but I
kept running. Maybe if I just kept sprinting away, past the
mansion, past the caravan park, out into the street, I could run my
way out of all the mess. Justin caught up with me somewhere between
my parents’ house and the beach.
    “Geez Abby,” he panted. “What the hell?’
    I turned away from him. I tried to gulp down
air, but the humidity stuck in my throat like cotton wool. I
crumpled into a heap in the middle of the road. Justin sat beside
me.
    “What the hell?” he said again.
    I hugged my knees.
    “So you’re running away from me? That’s how
you’re going to solve this?”
    “I don’t know how to solve this,” I said
finally, my voice tiny between gasps for air.
    “Come on, Ab. I like you. You like me. Why
does this have to be so fucked up?”
    We were spotlit suddenly by the headlights of
a banged up white Ute. I turned away so Justin couldn’t see my
face. The driver honked loudly and drove around us, making a cloud
of dust as the wheels skidded through the gravel.
    This was the main road through town; the one
that passed the caravan park, continued down to the beach and
looped around the shops. A pot-holed circle of a road. I could stay
on it forever and never see anything new.
    “I’m going to the city,” I said. “Soon. I
have to get out. I can’t stay here.”
    I could feel Justin’s eyes on me. His breath,
still fast and gulpy, was right next to my ear. I couldn’t look at
him.
    “You’re still on about all that,” he said.
“Escaping and shit… You’ve been dreaming your life away since you
were twelve.”
    “I’m not spending my life in this dump!” I
hissed. “It might be enough for you, but it’s not for me. Having
this dream is the only way I can survive here!”
    “Your real life’s that shit then, is it? That
you can’t forget about leaving for two seconds?”
    I swallowed hard. Justin put his hands on my
knees and knelt in front of me.
    “So maybe you’ll leave in a couple of years,”
he said, his voice gentle again. “But you’re here now, Abby. Can’t
you just deal with that? I’m here too you know.” He leant his
forehead against mine. His breath was warm against my cheek, his
smell hot and musky. He slid his hand under my ponytail and pulled
me closer to him. I shook my head suddenly and pulled away.
    “No,” I spluttered. “I can’t just