Free Shy by Thomma Lyn Grindstaff Page B

desire. Because I still desire Jake, too.
    I have feelings for both of them, Jake and Granville.
    “Yes, Granville's my friend,” I say. “He's a new friend. But you and I have known each other for years. I don't want to lose you as a friend just because I might date someone else.” And I might as well say it. “If you're bothered by it, then why on earth did you tell me we needed space last year? If you hadn't broken up with me, we might still be–”
    He holds up a hand. “You deserve better than me, Wildflower.”
    “I... what?”
    He looks at me as though he's trying to decide what to say. Then he shakes his head again. “Just be careful, okay? He's an older guy, isn't he? Like in his mid-twenties? Why can't he find somebody his own age?”
    “It isn't like he's forty years old, for Pete's sake,” I say. “He's twenty-three. And he's nice. Very spiffy...” But seeing the look that spreads over Jake's face, I immediately regret describing Granville as spiffy .
    “Is he rich?”
    “I don't know...” I trail off, feeling guilty. I'm lying. Granville definitely comes from a wealthy family. Though he hasn't told me that in so many words, it rolls off him in the way he talks and dresses, his mannerisms, and the easy way he goes about his days.
    That ease is polar opposite of Jake's attitude. Jake is rough and tumble, expects life to be tough, and plows through anyway like a bull in a china shop. He has taught himself all kinds of practical skills. He can fix any kind of vehicle from a car to a truck to a motorcycle. He can do electrical work, plumbing, mechanical work of any kind; you name it, he can do it. His dad is the same way. But they have never had much money, and Jake's mother works odd jobs to help them make ends meet. Jake has three younger brothers, one of whom is in high school, the second in junior high, and the third in elementary school. His family lives in a trailer in Solway next to his dad's garage. Jake moved to an apartment in downtown Knoxville, where he lives with the other two Hickory Hollow Boys, Ty and Kelsey.
    He scowls. “Yeah, I bet he's rich.” He opens his mouth to say more, but then closes it again. He turns the key to start up his truck and take me back to my dorm. I can't stand seeing him like this. Why won't he open his heart to me?
    “Jake.” I lean over and put my hands on his big shoulders. “Please.”
    He looks at me, his eyes narrowing, but I see more pain in their depths than anger.
    “I'm afraid,” I say. “I want to know we'll stay friends.” I squeeze his shoulder, feel its solidity, the heavy muscle there. Jake's a big guy. He makes me feel so safe with his groundedness and solidity, his common sense, and yes, his rough-and-tumble, can-do attitude. But there's a part of him I don't understand, that I'll never understand. Mom calls him a common redneck, but that isn't remotely true. He's deeper, more complex than she can know. I wish he'd share more of himself with me, but it's been this way to one degree or another ever since we broke up, though up until now, he's seemed determined to stay friends with me.
    I can't lose him. I must get him to open up.
    I rub his shoulder gently and a shiver goes through him. He abruptly takes hold of me, pulls me to him, and buries his big hand in the hair at the base of my neck. My body seems to lose all its bones. His eyes are thunderclouds.
    Before I can see more, his lips are on mine, probing deeply. My lips part and he kisses me fiercely, as though he's trying to drink from me. My blood rampages throughout me from my head to my toes, washing me with sensation. I remember how we kissed like this a year ago. We came very close to making love, but we never did it. We did other things, though. Just about everything but the act itself. I don't know why we didn't go for it. I wanted it. God, how I wanted it! Just like I want it now.
    Granville who? Jake is kissing me senseless, my head's spinning, my mind's spinning, my heart