Free Wish Upon a Star by Jim Cangany Page A

watch. And that really, really
sucked big time."
    Annie took my hand. "You were there for her. You gave up
your career to be there for her."
    "Fat lot of good that did."
    "But you made the effort. You sacrificed a lot. I'd wager not a
lot of people would have done that."
    With a shrug, I took another drink. "I guess."
    Annie settled onto one of the barstools and motioned me
onto the one next to her.
    "But you did. And now I have another question for you. Why
did you stay home?"
    The way Annie kept digging deeper into my past, unearthing
a little bit at a time and sifting through memories before scooping
another shovelful must have meant she saw something I didn't.
    My index finger tapped out a steady rhythm while I
pondered Annie's question.
    "I was just trying to be a good son. I mean, I sure as hell
hadn't planned on taking the next four years off after Dad died. I was
just going to get Mom back on her feet. But things kept going
south."
    "So it was four years between losing your Father and losing
your Mother."
    "Closer to three and a half. Took another six months to wrap
up her estate."
    "Point taken. But your mom wasn't bed-ridden that entire
time. I mean, from what you've told me, while she wasn't on her
A-game, she was still pretty independent for a while, yes?"
    In response to my nod, Annie gentle pressed on with a
tender tone. "So after you wrapped up your father's affairs, you
could have rejoined the bike team, at least for a year or so."
    It was a statement, not a question. Nor was it an accusation.
She was merely laying out the reality of the situation.
    "Yeah. In hindsight, I could have. It wasn't until she fell and
broke her hip that looking after her became my main focus. But at
the time, I just couldn't. I couldn't leave her."
    "I understand you couldn't. It was an admirable thing to do.
At the time, why couldn't you?"
    I leaned on the counter, my chin in my hands while I
revisited those troubled days. I thought of my conversation with my
boss when I told him I wouldn't be returning to the team. I recalled
my beers with Paul and Dave to fill them in on my decision. Digging
through my past like this was excruciating. It made a century ride
with all one hundred miles through the Shenandoah Mountains feel
like a stroll to the mailbox.
    "I was scared. I was afraid something might happen to Mom
and if I was halfway across the country, by the time I got back, it'd be
too late. I couldn't go through that again."
    Annie nodded. "Again. Like what happened with your
father?"
    "Yeah, I mean by the time Mom called me about Dad, he was
already gone. There was nothing I could do."
    "Do you think you could have done something?"
    "Hell, Annie, I don't know. Maybe if I'd been here, things
would've been different. Maybe someone could've gotten to him in
time."
    "You feel responsible for his death." Again, another
statement.
    "Yeah."
    "Why?"
    "Seriously?" I glared at her, but she held my gaze, her lips
curled up ever so slightly. Her dark chocolate eyes compelled me to
mine even deeper. I licked my lips. "I don't know. I just do. It's like if
I'd been here, I could have done something. But instead, I was
halfway across the country being no help to Dad, or Mom for that
matter. They'd both given me so much, and when it was on the line,
I'd let them down."
    "So let me make sure I've got this right. Your father had a
stroke, and you blame yourself for the fact that he didn't survive it
because you were away from home and you couldn't be at his side
when it happened. Even though being on the road was part of the
requirements of your job."
    When she put it that way, it made all of my angst and regret
sound silly. But thinking about it still made it feel like Satan was
squeezing my heart with barbed wire.
    "Let me ask you this. Were your parents proud of you? Of
what you did?"
    I drained the last of my beer and rose to get another one.
"Mom was. Dad, well at first he thought it was a dead-end job. But
when he saw the contacts I was