Free Fair Do's by David Nobbs

‘Thank you, Liz,’ he said. ‘I aimed for … pith.’
    â€˜Then you succeeded.’
    Was she mocking him? Could he avoid blushing? Luckily Simon and Jenny scurried up, Simon breezily, Jenny more warily.
    â€˜Hello!’ said Simon. ‘Everybody gathered! Almost like … well, no, not really at all like old times.’
    â€˜No,’ said Ted. With what depths of regret he invested the monosyllable.
    â€˜I’m very grateful to you all for rallying round,’ said Rita, ‘but I think I ought to face the massed ranks of Gerry’s friends and relations now.’
    â€˜I don’t think you should,’ said Ted. ‘They might lynch you.’
    â€˜Thank you, Ted.’
    â€˜No, but is there really any point?’ said Jenny. ‘Will anything you can say to them make anything any better? You’ve explained already. Can you add anything?’
    â€˜Perhaps not,’ admitted Rita. ‘Perhaps we should just go home. “Home”!’
    And indeed a few people were beginning to drift off, now that the curtains had been drawn. It was dawning on them that it wasn’t appropriate to linger to the end of such an occasion. Others were staying because they weren’t quite sure how to leave. Should one just drift away? That seemed rude. But was it appropriate to give thanks? And to whom?
    â€˜When I tell Paul!’ said Jenny. ‘He’s going to be so sick he missed it. Oh Lord. I shouldn’t have said that. Not today. Oh Lord. I think I’m going to cry.’
    â€˜Don’t cry! Please!’ implored Rita. ‘Nobody cry. Once I start –’She changed the subject desperately, the words pouring out. ‘You know, Jenny, what you said about explaining. There’s something I didn’t explain. I couldn’t. Gerry wouldn’t have understood. One of the reasons I couldn’t marry him … it’ll probably sound very silly … he never had any doubts. I doubt whether I could live with somebody who had no doubts.’
    â€˜I don’t understand,’ said Simon.
    â€˜I do,’ said Carol Fordingbridge. Elvis couldn’t prevent his eyebrows from rising caustically. ‘I do, Elvis!’
    â€˜I didn’t say anything,’ said Elvis.
    â€˜I have doubts,’ said Rita. ‘Tremendous doubts. I’m constantly testing my beliefs against my doubts. I don’t intend to hide that even from the selection committee.’
    â€˜Well, no, quite right,’ said Ted. ‘Why should … selection committee? What selection committee, Rita?’
    â€˜I’m trying to enter politics myself,’ said Rita. ‘In a modest way.’ She smiled modestly, shyly. ‘I’m putting myself up to be Labour candidate for the Brackley Ward council by-election.’
    Jenny was the first to recover, but even she wasn’t quite quick enough. Later, Rita would wish that her friends hadn’t all been quite so stunned.
    â€˜Great,’ said Jenny, hurrying forward to kiss her mother-in-law. ‘Fantastic. No, that’s really fantastic. Great.’
    â€˜You! In politics!’ Ted didn’t attempt to hide his incredulity.
    â€˜Thank you, Ted.’
    â€˜I’ll have to preserve the full impartiality of my reports, Mum,’ said Elvis grandly.
    â€˜Well of course you will,’ said his mother. ‘I’d have expected nothing less from you.’
    Elvis sniffed her remark, suspecting mockery.
    â€˜Labour?’ said Neville, as if the enormity of it had just filtered through.
    â€˜Do you know nothing of my beliefs?’ said Rita.
    â€˜Sorry,’ said Neville.
    Liz let her head sink onto Neville’s arm in an affectionate exasperation.
    â€˜If they’ll have me after this,’ said Rita. ‘Oh God.’ She doubled up, as if in physical pain. ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I just … I feel awful.’ Ted and Carol grabbed her.