Free Dear Emily (Forever Family) by Trudy Stiles Page B

sorry, Tabitha. I can’t imagine.” I speak the truth. I really can’t imagine giving up a child. Not to mention two!
    “It’s OK, really.” She stops and looks at me. “I know that Sara is in a better place. Happy. Safe.” She pauses as she says, ‘safe’ as if she means to emphasize its significance. Her eyes are glistening, and I need to change the subject. I’m feeling selfish right now. What if remembering her first daughter makes her change her mind. Shit! I start to feel vulnerable.
    “You did what you thought was best, I’m sure.” What else can I say?
    We sit in silence for a few minutes as the waitress brings Tabitha her drink.
    “So, what else do you have for Emily?” Tabitha asks quickly.
    She changes the subject to indicate that our conversation about Sara is over. I stiffen a little as I answer.
    “What don’t we have?” I chuckle. “I’m a bit compulsive when it comes to getting her room ready. Her room, as you saw, is completely furnished and decorated. We have tons of pink clothes, blankets, and stuffed animals. Kyle thinks I’m nuts to go so overboard, but I don’t know any other way.” I’m honest. I really don’t know any other way. If I could buy all of Babies-R-Us, I would. I want Emily to have everything. To give her all of the comforts she deserves. To give her all of me.
    Tabitha smiles a big smile this time. She almost seems relieved. Good!
    “That’s awesome, Carly. I’m sure that Emily will be so happy in her new room.”
    Now I feel bad. I’m flaunting everything we are giving to Emily. Everything that she can’t .
    Shit.
    I change the subject.
    “So, how did you and Seth meet?” I ask.
    She takes a deep breath. “He kind-of saved me. I mean, not literally , but he was just always there for me.” She looks away and smiles softly. “I was in another relationship when I met Seth, and then I did something stupid to mess that up. Seth was my friend and then just became more.”
    I nod and smile at her. “I’m glad Tabitha. We could all use someone to help us through the tough times.” I’m afraid to ask my next question, but I persist. “Is Seth the father? Don’t answer that if you don’t think you can.”
    “I don’t know, Carly. He could be. The other relationship I was in… Well… the timing. I don’t know.” She’s struggling with her answer and I immediately feel terrible for prying too much. “The other potential father, Alex, and I met after I ran away from an impossible and dangerous situation in my life. I had just given up Sara and moved across the country, back to Philly. We had a very powerful connection, and we were together for over a year until I messed up.” Her voice trails off, and she looks away. “He could be Emily’s father. I just don’t know. I’ve said too much I think.”
    Her tone makes me think that she does know. That she thinks Alex is Emily’s father. She speaks about Alex differently than she does Seth.
    As she is sharing this story of sadness and regret, I’m starting to feel nervous that she could change her mind.
    “I’m sorry.” Am I? I mean I am sorry for her situation, but I wonder selfishly would this child be ours if the situation were different. If this guy Alex were still in her life, would Emily be coming into ours? I shake my head. God, I shouldn’t be thinking these thoughts!
    “I really am sorry, Tabitha. I don’t know what else to say.”
    She’s quiet for a few moments. I can’t tell if she’s about to stand up and bolt out of the restaurant.
    “I’ve had a very tough life, Carly. I didn’t share this with the adoption agency because I’m profoundly ashamed of my choices. I’ve been running my whole life, and I want to put the running behind me to make something of myself. This is my first step. I’m making this choice for me and for Emily. I need to make sure she has a good life and then I need to straighten myself out. Seth’s not ready to be a father, but he’s ready to help me.