Free My Life and Other Stuff That Went Wrong by Tristan Bancks Page A

curvy bit off the top of the J.
    â€˜What’s a FunLand?’ Nick asks.
    â€˜Like a theme park,’ I say. ‘It’s in my backyard.’
    Nick and Elsie look down the side of the house to the yard. Nick takes a long sip on his Slurpee. Elsie picks her nose and eats it.
    â€˜Come have a look,’ Jack says. ‘It’s epic.’
    Jack takes them up to the side gate to read the list of attractions sticky-taped to the fence.
    â€˜Cool,’ Nick says. ‘Where do we start?’
    â€˜You start,’ Jack says, ‘by paying your ten bucks.’

    â€˜Ten bucks?’ Nick laughs and a small amount of blue Slurpee shoots out of his right nostril.
    â€˜Not per ride,’ Jack says. ‘It’s an All-Day FunPass.’ He smiles, which makes him look like a second-hand car salesman.
    â€˜I’m not paying ten bucks to play on a bunch of broken junk in Tom’s backyard.’
    â€˜Okay, five,’ Jack says quickly.
    â€˜No way.’ Nick grabs Elsie by the shoulder to leave.
    â€˜Okay, two,’ Jack begs. ‘Please?’
    Nick fishes around in his pocket andopens his hand. He has a fifty-cent piece with a hunk of green chewing gum stuck to it, coated in sand.
    â€˜You can keep the gum,’ he says, taking a long slurp on his drink.
    Jack snatches the fifty cents and gnaws the gum off. ‘You operate the rides,’ he snaps at me. ‘I’ll go and find some proper paying customers.’
    I swing open the gate and lead them into the theme park.
    â€˜A world of wonder awaits!’ I announce, sounding a bit too much like Jack.
    Elsie tries the Clothes Line Carousel first. Nick lifts her up and places her inside the springy seat that I’ve fashioned out of two of Mum’s bras. I spin the rusty clothes line around as fast as I can. She squeals with joy, and I ask her to keep it down so she doesn’t wakeMr Fatterkins. One of the bra straps snaps, but I manage to rig it up again.

    Five minutes later, Jack is back with Mac and Lottie Rowland, two kids from down the street. Nick is on the Jelly Slip ‘n’ Slide. Elsie and Lottie hit the Trampoline of Death with the massive rip in the centre and a pot plant cactus underneath. Mac has a ride on the dog. They’re all starting to have fun, and it’s not long before Jack returns with four girls I have never seen before. They try the Mayo Sponge Throw. One pokes her head through the pool fence while the others chuck a mayonnaise-dipped sponge at her face.

    â€˜Is there any food for sale?’ one of the girls asks.
    â€˜Um … yes,’ I say. I race up the back steps. As I open the door I turn and look out across the yard to see our theme park in full swing. I can’t believe that one of our crazy ideas is actually working.
    In the fridge I find the meatloaf we’re having for dinner tonight, an old onion, some taco sauce, half a brown lettuce and a withered turnip. In the pantry I find a box of cereal and a rusty can of creamed corn. Then … bingo! Half a packet of broken Scotch Finger biscuits and a Ziploc bag with seven lolly snakes from two Halloweens ago.
    I fill some plastic cups with orange cordial, put them on a tray and head out onto the veranda.
    â€˜The restaurant is open for business!’ I announce and kids flock. Nick Crabtree buys all the drinks. Jack helps himself to the largestchunk of Scotch Finger biscuit. I whack him and the biscuit falls to the floor, but he eats it anyway. He tells everyone that the biscuits are a dollar each, fifty cents for one finger, twenty-five for a handful of crumbs. We end up getting ten cents a biscuit, which is close enough.
    The two-year-old snakes are the bestseller. Twenty cents each. Jack auctions the last snake to the highest bidder and gets a dollar for it, then everyone hits the rides again.
    â€˜Weekly!’ says a voice.
    The smile fades from my face when I see Skroop and Fatterkins staring over