Free Dr. Brad Has Gone Mad! by Dan Gutman Page A

Mr. Klutz’s office?
    But that’s not the amazing part. The amazing part is what Mr. Klutz was doing in his office.
    He was playing Ping-Pong with himself!
    Mr. Klutz had a Ping-Pong table in his office. He would hit the ball, and then he would run around the table to the other side and hit it back. Then he would run around the table and hit it back again to himself.
    Mr. Klutz is nuts.
    “Hello A.J.!” Mr. Klutz said when he noticed I was standing there. “Ping-Pong is great for getting rid of stress. Have a seat.”
    “Where did you get a Ping-Pong table?” I asked.
    “From Rent-A-Ping-Pong-Table,” Mr.Klutz replied. “You can rent anything.”
    Mr. Klutz was all out of breath from running around the Ping-Pong table. He sat down and asked me about the weather and what I ate for breakfast and other stuff that nobody would ever care about. Principals always make chitchat before they tell you the horrible thing that you did. Nobody knows why.
    There was a knock on the door, and Ms. Coco came in. She’s in charge of the gifted and talented program at Ella Mentry School. I didn’t want to be in the G and T program, but she forced me. Ms. Coco made some chitchat with Mr. Klutz before she sat down.
    “A.J., we need to talk to you about something,” said Mr. Klutz.
    Uh-oh. Here it comes.
    “I’m sorry I put the worm in Emily’s sneaker,” I told them.
    “You put a worm in Emily’s sneaker?!” asked Mr. Klutz.
    “Of course not!” I replied. “Whatever gave you that idea?”
    “A.J., I called you down here because Ms. Coco showed me some of the poems you wrote,” Mr. Klutz said. “They are very interesting.”
    “Interesting” is an interesting word. It could mean something is really good, or it could mean something is really bad.You never know. So if you’re not sure if something is good or bad, just say it’s interesting.
    Ms. Coco handed Mr. Klutz a sheet of paper. He read it out loud.
    Tomorrow’s Window People
    By Arlo Jervis
    Someone only fired should soft become hammer,
    Imagination!
    Because awkward autumn sudden neighbor remain,
    Fishhook!
    Glow shadow oatmeal tomorrow window people.
    When he finished reading, the weirdest thing in the history of the world happened. Mr. Klutz and Ms. Coco started crying! I mean, tears were running down their faces. What a pair of crybabies. They’re worse than Emily!
    “That’s the most beautiful thing I ever heard!” Ms. Coco said.
    The two of them were sobbing and blowing their noses into tissues. Well, they blew the snot from their noses into the tissues, not the noses themselves. If they blew their noses into tissues, their noses would fall off. That would be weird.
    The truth is, I didn’t even write that dumb poem. My grandma got me someflash cards so I could practice spelling words. We had an assignment to write poetry, and I didn’t know what to write. So I threw the flash cards up in the air, scooped them up, and wrote down the words. It was a lot easier than writing real poems.

    “We think your poetry is brilliant , A.J.,” Mr. Klutz said.
    “We want to have you tested,” said Ms. Coco.
    What?! Tested?
    “Do I have to pee into a cup?” I asked.
    “No, nothing like that,” Ms. Coco said. “A.J., we always knew you were gifted. That’s why we put you in the gifted and talented program. We want to have you tested to see if you might be a genius .”
    What?! A genius? I’m not a genius! I’m just a regular kid!
    “What kind of test are you gonna give me?” I asked.
    “Oh, we’re not going to give it to you,”Mr. Klutz said.
    “Who will?” I asked.
    And you’ll never believe who walked into the door at that moment.
    Nobody. Because if you walked into a door it would hurt. But you’ll never believe who walked into the doorway .
    It was Dr. Brad, our school counselor!

3
Dork School
    Dr. Brad looks like one of those mad scientists in the movies who straps people to a dentist chair and removes their brain. He’s an old guy who