Free Sergeant Nelson of the Guards by Gerald Kersh Page A

and will be again shortly, but at present recruits are kept eight weeks or so before going on to the Training Battalion. You’ll ’ave Inspections, every so often, to see ’ow you’re shaping with things like drill. You won’t be allowed out o’ the gates for at least three weeks, and thereafter, once a week if you’re lucky. That’s so as you won’t disgrace the Guards by lounging about the streetswith a packet o’ wine gums in one ’and and a bag o’ chips in the other. In three weeks or so you’ll begin, you’ll just about begin to appear to look like sort of soldiers. It’ll take a long time before you get the unmistakeable Guardsman’s Walk—straight as a poker, but supple as rubber; quick, regular, and easy. You watch Sarnt Nelson: ’e’s a typical Guardsman. See? You’re civilians, and walk as such, which is incorrectly . We’ve got to break you of the ’abits of a lifetime. You’ll be sore at first. That’s all right: it’s good for you.
    “You’ll get your first leave in about thirteen weeks’ time, maybe. You can never be sure. Maybe thirteen weeks. For that time, consider yourself right away from Civvy Street. The funny thing is, you’ll feel uncomfortable when you get back to your own beds … and all the girls ’ll fall for you. Everybody falls for the Coldstream Guards. You know the poem?
    “Why should England tremble when the Guards go ’ ome on leave? It’s only for a short while, so why should England grieve?
    “Very well, then. You’ll get a lot of Physical Training ’ere. They’re dead ’ot on P.T. in this Depot. You’ll get a lot of drill, too, and weapon-training . The Guards always make a name for themselves with bayonets. You ask Jerry. When the Coldstream Guards take up a front-line position, Jerry knows that sooner or later it’ll come to cold steel. And ’e’s scared. It pokes the wind up ’im.
    “Well, you ast for it. You volunteered. It’ll be something to brag about afterwards, mind you. Not everybody’s fit for the Guards, even in wartime.
    “Reveille, 5:45. Lights Out, 9:30. You’ll be on training till about four. Then, from four till seven, you’re on Shining Parade—you get your kit worked up and in proper order, and sit on your ground sheets going hard at the jolly old spit-and-polish, until seven pip emma. Then you’re free to go and buy yourselves a beer or a tea at the Naffy. Got it? Or you can read books or write letters, or talk to each other. During Shining Parade, no talking or smoking is allowed, nor no singing, ’umming,or whistling. Dinner is twelve-thirty. Tea is at five. Breakfast, seven. You can buy pies and stuff in the Naffy if you can eat ’em. You’ll be hungry enough, mind you; but Naffy pies….
    “You mustn’t form a trade union. You mustn’t get girls into trouble. You mustn’t go about with your hands in your pockets. You mustn’t be immoral. You mustn’t smoke out o’ doors while an Alert is on. You mustn’t smoke in shelters. You mustn’t desert. You mustn’t go absent. You mustn’t be late for anything. You mustn’t gamble. You mustn’t get anybody else, for money or moneysworth, to do any jobs for you. You mustn’t have financial dealings with Trained Soldiers or N.C.O.’s. You mustn’t address me, or any other superior rank, with a fag in your mouth. You mustn’t get drunk. You mustn’t use foul language or tell filthy stories or possess filthy pictures. You mustn’t associate with bad women. You mustn’t steal, bear false witness against your neighbour. You mustn’t do anything not in the Army Act. I’ve never read the Army Act, but, put it like this—to all intents and purposes it’s safest not to do anything, much, unless you’re specifically ordered to do it by a Trained Soldier, N.C.O., or Officer. You will always be clean, kind, courteous, and what not. If you see an old geezer getting on a bus, give him a shove to help him along. If you see an old girl standing up in a public