Free Hopes by Linda Chapman Page B

mountains, Ellie came to a decision. Even though part of her felt hurt and betrayed that Joe wouldn’t fight it, she was going to try and be unselfish. It was going to happen whether she liked it or not and seeing as Joe was her best friend, she would try to be supportive however hard it was.
    Swallowing, she rested her head against the window of the horsebox. It was beginning to feel like she was trapped in a nightmare. Joe was leaving and, she realized with a shiver, the results of Spirit’s biopsy were due the next day.
    She stared out of the window, her stomach tying itself in knots, as they chugged on through the dark night.

Chapter Seven
    THE PHONE CALL Ellie had been dreading came after school. Even across the phone line she could hear the serious note in John’s deep voice. “Ellie, it’s not good news.”
    Five minutes later, Ellie walked down the yard, everything feeling as if it was distorted, removed from reality. Turning towards Spirit’s stable, she broke into a run. He was standing, one hind leg resting, his neck low but as she opened the door he lifted his head and whinnied.
    The words John had just spoken to her echoed through her head. “ It is lymphosarcoma… It’s spread through his body and is untreatable… He’ll gradually lose more and more weight… He won’t have long… At some point you will have to make the decision to have him put to sleep… ”
    “No!” Ellie burst out with a sob.
    Spirit breathed on her face in surprise.
    She felt as if she was falling, plummeting through the air with no safety net or anything to catch her. He was going to die. She cried and cried, while Spirit nuzzled her patiently.
    At last the tears dried up, and in the peace and quiet Ellie felt their minds merge.
    Oh, Spirit. She didn’t know what to say. How could she explain?
    She didn’t have to.
    I think I am going to die.
    No! Ellie couldn’t bear it.
    I am.
    How do you know ? she asked him.
    I can feel it. Deep inside. My energy’s fading. I’m getting weaker.
    Ellie shook her head. You’re ill, but we can do stuff. There’re all sorts of things we can try.
    I am not afraid of dying.
    But I’m afraid of you dying!
    She felt the change in his feelings. He raised his head and looked at her. “I am,” she whispered out loud, stroking his cheek. “Please…don’t die. I need you, Spirit.”
    He breathed out softly. Then I will stay.
    When Ellie finally left the stable, Joe was the first person she saw. He took one look at her face and knew. “So you’ve spoken to John?”
    She nodded, her throat too tight to talk.
    “Oh, Els.” Joe came over and took her hands. “I’m so sorry.”
    He moved to put his arms around her but, shaking her head, Ellie pulled away. She didn’t want to cry any more just then; she didn’t want to be comforted. She wanted to change things—make it all better.
    “I’m going inside,” she managed to say. “To look on the Internet.”
    “OK. Do you want me to tell everyone?”
    She nodded and then went to the computer. She found out all she could about lymphosarcoma. Time and time again she read words that all said the same: most cases do not survive more than a week or a few months.
    She rubbed her eyes. She couldn’t accept it—she wouldn’t. There had to be something she could do. John had ruled out chemotherapy or aggressive drugs on the phone. He believed the cancer had spread too far through Spirit’s body. Ellie followed links to holistic sites that suggested a number of different therapies and remedies. She made a list of everything: herbal extracts, Bach flower remedies, Chinese medicine, acupuncture. Her grandmother in New Zealand kept her supplied with a generous allowance and most of the time Ellie had nothing to spend it on because her life revolved around the horses. She would use all the money she had to buy whatever remedies were supposed to help. She would do whatever it took. She would make him better.
    Over the next few weeks, Ellie tried